My thoughts on my NATURAL birth

I have been meaning to write a post about my thoughts on Owen’s birth… With our intro of Owen I went through some of my thoughts… but now that Ive had a few weeks to think about things and REMEMBER things :) I thought I would share some of the highs and lows of the NATURAL birth experience I had with Owen.

Going into this labor I was fully prepared to “attempt” a natural birth. I had experienced TWO previous births with an EPIDURAL and for some strange reason I really desired to “see if I could do it” without.

Back in Oct 2009 I photographed my 1st birth for a young lady… and after seeing her at just age 16 deliver a baby over 8lbs NATURALLY, I just knew I had to at least try.

With my 1st child (Caleb) I had the WORLDS STRONGEST EPIDURAL lol… seriously… that thing was so strong I couldnt even wiggle a toe… and was numb up to my ribs. It was insane. It didnt even FEEL like I was in labor with all that pain killer.. which wasnt AWFUL but at the same time it didnt feel RIGHT either.

I had to have lots of IV fluid with Caleb. I also had GROUP B Strep with Caleb … so I had antibiotics pumped into me… as well as had to have a catheter due to the inability to walk after the epidural. Was just a lot of medical STUFF going on… that I did not understand. I was also pumped full of PITOCIN which is prob why I couldnt stand but an hour of contractions before feeling like I was going to die.

Caleb was born a healthy 7lbs 11oz though and thats all that ultimately matters…

With my 2nd birth (Taite) I really wanted to TRY and do it without the epidural… but never did my home work on it… and went in pretty ignorant abt things again. Yet with him I made it to around 6cm without anything… and then at that point the nurse came in… said “If you want the epidural now is the time to get it…” and I caved out of fear that I couldn’t do it.

Taites Epidural was FANTASTIC THOUGH! It was very mild and I was still able to move my legs… it was just enough numbing to knock off the contractions yet not SO much that I couldnt feel when they’d come. I did not require any antibiotics that time around either (I did not have group B strep with Taite) and my labor progressed well enough that I never required a catheter.

Over all Taites birth was THE EASIEST and most pleasant. Taite also was my smallest weighing in at 6lbs 8oz and only 19 inches long. He also didnt cause me any stitches :) like Caleb and Owen. Within an hour or so of having Taite I felt totally NORMAL and was up and moving around like nothing had ever happened. It was a FANTASTIC birth experience…

But I still questioned myself and wondered “could I have done it without that epidural?!”

So… here I was pregnant again with a 3rd baby… and FULLY DETERMINED “NO EPIDURAL!!“ Of course I had to get this determination with the HARDEST of my pregnancies… and the BIGGEST of my children.

I think I did things backwards :) I should of had TAITE naturally and Owen with the epidural hah…

So what was it like?

My contractions woke me up yet again at 2:30 or so in the morning on March 19th. For me this wasnt uncommon. I had contractions for a solid month off and on with the pregnancy… I honestly had no idea half the time if I was in labor or not… it was one of those things that I knew I had to wait for either my water to break or til I was noticing a big difference in the pain level of the contractions.

So at 2:30am I get up to CLOCK things… The intensity of the contraction was stronger than it had been.

Around 4am I decided this was it and I needed to make the decision to wake Travis… I did and by 4:30am we were out of the house and on our way to the hospital.

The hospital for us was a solid 45 minutes away (if you drove the speed limit)… so we knew it was better to go early than wait it out at home.

Our neighbor Mrs. Madeline came over and stayed at the house with the boys (who were still asleep obviously when we left).

I tell you driving to the hospital IN REAL LABOR is not fun. I never realized HOW BUMPY the road was until that ride.

We got to the hospital around 5am (yeahhhh we sped slightly)… having contractions every 3-5 minutes apart… fairly strong but tolerable.

They checked me when I arrived and I was ONLY 3cm. They then hooked me up to a monitor to clock the contractions and baby… after about 45 minutes they said I could stay :) that I was in fact IN LABOR.

I then asked if I could walk around… and if all possible could I not be connected to an IV… they said that was fine. So I got up at that point and Travis and I then proceeded throughout the hospital walking.

I must say I felt really odd walking around in a hospital gown :) and having to stop and lean against Travis or a wall to breathe through contractions. I have never experienced that form of laboring before. With my other two I was always bound to a bed with cords and tubes hooked up to me.

Travis and I walked around for prob an hour? I forget… but it seemed like a while. We then made our way back to the room to have my midwife check to see if any progress was being made. I was feeling contractions coming closer and stronger… so I knew something had to be coming along.

I forget what time it was but I think around 6:30 or 7am my midwife checked and I was around 5cm… at that point I really started to question if I could do things… the contractions were getting extremely strong! I stayed on my feet as long as I could… leaned on a chair, rocked back and forth and even used a birthing ball to sit on at one point. Things were moving really fast! Although during the moment the time seemed to go on forever.

The midwife then told me that if I was unsure of things that I needed to at least get FLUID into me in case I did want the epidural… because without that fluid I couldnt even get it later if I wanted.

I remember saying “I don’t know” 100 x and really meant it... but figured there was no harm in getting the fluid… and at that point I did ask to get some NU BANE to help me relax some in between contractions.

To those who have never had NU BANE. It basically makes you kind of groggy… but you FEEL EVERYTHING!! I remember having the pain of a contraction but as soon as it was over… my body felt warm and I was able to relax..

NU BANE by no means makes the contractions any less painful… they were just as strong with it.

After they gave me the NU BANE (a half dose – I requested less since medication seems to affected me stronger than most) the midwife asked if I wanted her to break my water… she said it would speed things along, I responded,..

“I don’t knowwww.”

again… I really did not know what I wanted to do. All I knew was I didnt want to fold and get the epidural but I just did not know what I could handle.

She did end up breaking my water and WOW…. after that it was like TORTURE MY UTERUS time lol… it was wild how fast the contractions came. I didnt have a second to catch my breathe… My friend Kelly later talked to me abt the time frame you have during “transition phase of labor” and no wonder… those contractions were SO LONG and so close together you really didnt have a chance to compose yourself.

At that point I really began to doubt myself. Even with that NU BANE there was no relief AT ALL.

Within an hour of having my water broke I went from 5-6cm to 9cm! I then began to feel urges to push.. but was SCARED TO DEATH thinking about it.

With my other two birth experiences I never had worries of FEELING PAIN when that baby’s head came out… I knew that I was going to be NUMB at that point and it wouldnt be “but so bad...” but with this birth I knew as things got closer to “his entrance” that I was going to feel EVERY SINGLE THING.

I remember thinking in my head “I CANT DO THIS!” but there was no turning back, I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO DO IT.

I remember the nurses holding my legs up asking me to grab my ankles and I just felt defeated and so weak that I couldnt even hold my own legs up.

I mean even with my two epidural births I held my own legs up! I couldnt even feel my legs with those yet was still able. It was just bizarre to me how unable I felt during this labor (at that point).

Travis said it was funny (well not at the time but later) that during that time I would yell “WHATS MY LEG DOING? WHATS IT DOING, GET MY LEG!” or something along those lines :)

I then remember the midwife told me to push…. I then thought “I hope I dont pee on her.” LOL and I remember during all my other labors I NEVER PEE’d on anyone … but well.. I SURE DID WITH THIS ONE and as I pee’d and couldnt even control it LOL I kept saying “IM SORRY!! IM SORRY I PEE’D ON YOU!” LOL AND then screaming hahaha… Its funny to me now but at that time I felt mortified that I just pee’d in someones face lol and in front of my friend Kelly!

Did I just admit I pee’d on someone in labor?

“I’m being transparent here :)”

So yea… the pushing stage for me…
NOT FUN and VERY DIFFICULT.
The mid wife and nurse did reassure me “its normal to pee in labor” :) didn’t make me feel better but at least im not the only one peeing on people during that point.

People say its easier to push without an epidural… because you can FEEL things more.. but for me it was WAY HARDER TO PUSH WITH OUT IT. I was so incredible tense that I just could not relax… and to add to this I was just exhausted.

They had me pushing laying down and after like 25 minutes of this the midwife realized that Owen was turned a certain way that was causing him not to come down… (thats why I had horrid back labor) and so they then put me in a SQUAT position (with a bar to hold).. which did help… but by that point I was even more exhausted… I physically did not have the strength left to push.

I remember thinking over and over “I can’t… I just can’t…”

And at that point they had like 10 people telling me I could… and then the OBGYN rushing in due to Owens heart dropping and my excessive screaming? Im not sure what resulted in the OB having to come in and take over… but apparently it was something that my midwife couldn’t do.

The OB was fantastic though… I could not of asked for a better hospital staff… the nurses were great, my midwife was incredible (she did not leave my side the entire labor!). During those final pushes the OB then had to use the vacuum to help get Owen out… I had run out of steam and needed that assistance… and was thankful it only took one use of that thing and a final push to get him out.

They then rushed Owen over to that little newborn station… never asked Travis to cut the cord… due to the fact Owens cord was around his neck and I guess came out a little blue? Im not sure but it was the sort of situation that required immediate attention from the nurses.

Owen screamed immediately after being born though :)

He had LOTS OF LUNG POWER… and out of all my babies he cried the most hehe…

As soon as he was born I remember saying “Im getting an epidural with the next one!” and people in the room were like “THE NEXT ONE?!” :) but seriously… that is the 1st thing that came to my mind….

WHY ON EARTH DID I DO THIS WITHOUT IT hahaha…

Do I regret not getting an epidural?…

mmmmm…
Id say KIND OF.
I am glad I did it without it to experience what a natural birth was like.. but at the same time the recovery from this labor was my hardest… I was so swollen from the hard labor and vacuum… it was not fun recovering from… I had a hard time walking as well… which is bizarre to me… but my legs were like noodles… I think my body was just exhausted to the max.

But at the same time… it was nice not having to worry about the epidural not taking correctly… or a catheter…. or any other issues you may get with an epidural.

All in all…

If we do have a 4th some day…

Im on the fence about doing another Natural Birth :)
I think if my pregnancy the 4th time around goes a little smoother than this last time… then I MIGHT consider it. I really think my “lack of ability to stay active” this pregnancy really affected my stamina and ability to do as much during labor. I also think the fact the Dr’s wouldnt STRIP MY MEMBRANES sooner… didnt help either. I honestly believe had they done it at 38 weeks it would of helped some… since Owen would of been a wee bit smaller and easier to deliver.

So for me.. I think it will be one of those “play it by pregnancy” decisions :)

I know now I WONT DIE without the epidural :) but I also learned that its EXTREMELY EXHAUSTING and hard to do it naturally… and that honestly all that really matters is that baby is born safe and healthy… it does not matter if you have your baby WITH all the pain killers, with a c-section or even at home…

Having your baby natural does not make you any more of a woman… although I will admit I do have a sense of empowerment that I actually was able to do it :)

All the pictures posted in this post were taken during my labor with Owen. You can view the LABOR SLIDE SHOW HERE.

Also to those curious the time difference between my 3 labors.

With Caleb I went into the hospital at 1am and had him the next day at 5:14pm.

With Taite I went in at 2pm and had him at 11:49pm.

With Owen I went into the hospital at 5am and had him at 11:25am.

So by far THIS WAS THE SHORTEST of all my birth experiences… and I really do think it was because he was LATER than all my other babies and because I didnt get the epidural… and moved a lot more, it progressed things WAY FASTER.