Jan 4th this year was our 11 year anniversary. 11 years. Went fast and slow hah.
We got away for a night this weekend. 1st time since Reed was born :) – so over a year. Was good to get away. A friend of mine baby sat all 4 of our boys. So thankful.
I thought I would write up a list of some things Ive learned over the last 11 years of marriage. Through experience and through mentorship :) – yes mentorship in marriage, totally needed hah…
1. I remember when we 1st got married… my husband and I use to say “Ohhh we won’t be THAT couple…” You know, the one that fights about stupid things.. or the one that seems “out of love” within just a few years. We wouldn’t “fall into that” pattern and be that way, because “we were different.” – Let me tell you. What you THINK you will be and what you WILL be are totally different… and while I think our marriage is much stronger now than it ever has been… we have definitely had our moments of being THAT couple. You go in expecting it won’t happen, trust me, it probably will and if it doesnt, you are either very blessed or way better than majority of the couples in the world HAH!
2. When I got pregnant with my 1st born… I remember seeing couples out there with kids throwing tantrums, or being messy… or acting “weird” – Travis and I both were dead set in believing our kids would NEVER behave that way. Uhhhhh. Yea. 4 boys later. We have those kids LOL! Don’t go into marriage expecting miracle babies that never do wrong. You will be disappointed ;-) – just go in expecting to be blessed in-between the barf, poop, bickering and in-between battles over legos. Its all worth it, don’t get me wrong… its just not as “easy and float in the cloud” dreams of perfection. You will have your imperfect days… and you will have your days you talk negatively about a child.. or two… or 3 to your girlfriends or other couples over dinner (without kids). Doesn’t mean you don’t love them :) – it just means you are what I like to call “REAL.” And yes the image to the right says it all.
3. Sex. Yeah. Im not going to get into that LOL. We have 4 kids. Enough said. Although if I was truly honest. Id tell you, that excuse you heard often in movies “Im to tired.” – totally true. You will be to tired for it and often. Doesnt make you wrong. Makes you totally normal and a mom of many. Sorry husbands… its not you, truly.
4. Socks. They will NEVER stop leaving socks around the house. NEVER. So may as well get over that now :) Their forgetful ness to pick up the sock does not mean they don’t listen. It means they are men who have small attention spans and an inability to retain small task information for long periods of time. Either that or their lazy and don’t give a crap. Doesnt mean they don’t love you :) – don’t invest to much stock into socks.
5. Don’t be afraid to tell your spouse what you need and what you don’t need. Communication is key… pretending you are ok, is never wise.
6. You will at one point or another shave your husbands neck. At least if you are as poor as us you will :)
7. Go ahead and buy a King sized bed. Skip the queen :) – we still have a queen and let me tell you, when we can afford to buy a king, we are! I sleep like a wild woman and my husband is a cover hog. Then again I am too. Lets just say, we could use a larger amount of blankets and bed space.
8. Invest in a white noise machine or fan. If you are a light sleeper and you intend to sleep in the same room as your husband (which is wise for a healthy marriage… unless you are hugely pregnant and want the bed to yourself or co sleeping and dealing with a newborn at night. Your husband may choose to sleep elsewhere for a season and thats ok too!), you will need some sorta sound to drown out “snores or huffy puffy sounds” – all men do it. ALL OF THEM. SOME women do too ;-) – not me, I just talk in my sleep sometimes. Which my husband finds very funny.
9. Its ok to be different from each other :) – opposites attract.
10. Don’t expect your spouse to be your mother or your father. So often we grow up wanting “personality” traits we saw in our parents. If you don’t think this is true, go to professional counseling for 18 months, you will think otherwise. My husband should not expect me to act or do things the way his mother did… and I should not expect him to behave or treat me or remember things that were important to me as a child, that my parents did for me. Make sense? So in short, don’t ever assume or expect them to KNOW you like those things that your mother or father did, unless you tell them. We are each our own person.
11. Since I can’t very well end on 10. We are after all celebrating 11 years :). There will more than likely come a time in your marriage you will want to quit. I think the couples out there who do not experience this the 1st 10 years are blessed. I have wanted to leave before. Throw in the towel and give up. Marriage today is the type of thing that is so flippitly done that couples just give up. They have a fight. They have something bad happen. They don’t “FEEL” happy… they give up. After all, you can divorce. Over 60% of the marriages in the US end in divorce. If not more. Its OK to do that, especially if you have reason to, right? Marriage is a commitment my husband and I made before a Holy God… It has had its many bumps along the way… all marriages do. We are committed. All that being said. I know many friends and family who read my blog are divorced or have been. I do not think all cases end in divorce for “wrong reasons.” Addictions can kill a marriage… abuse… adultery… marriages can be broken and will…. Satan has a grip on our culture and society… and so many marriages do not make it because of our own brokeness and sin. Its sad to see…. in some cases I do believe divorce needs to happen… as sad as that sounds. In many though, I think the marriage can be saved.
So to all those married for 11… 2….7 or even 18 years… these are my few random thoughts as I typed up this post today… in-between interruptions and task I had to complete. Filled I am sure with error. It is what it is :) – Thankful to be able to say I have been married 11 years to an amazing man and father to my boys.
Love you Travis!