Ive had a rough time lately with that weight.
I guess you could say in both physical and emotionally/mentally/spiritually.
Weight obviously sticks around after 4 babies and those who don’t have that problem are blessed or don’t eat :) – My body despite my fight, seems to enjoy the 5-7 pounds of post baby weight. It doesnt seem to want to let that go :) – learning to be content with it… but I do have my days it depresses me. Wont lie about that.
The weight of motherhood though for me right now is in regards to what it puts on you year after year… after year.
I remember when I first began this journey of motherhood. It was something I actually never really “wanted” – although once I got married I did… but as a teen/young adult, I did not want kids for a while. Funny how God can place us in a path that we never see coming HAH.
When I first had my children the weight was not as heavy. I remember thinking often about the safety of my children more than anything.
About all the possible childhood illnesses they could contract.
About them falling and breaking their neck.
About vaccinating or not to vaccinate.
About which carseat and which direction would be best.
About using a crib with bumpers or not bumpers… this use to consume like crazy!
… yet now as my children grow older… I find myself less concerned or I guess more adapted to those thoughts… I don’t let the vaccine thing consume like it did years back. I did my homework, stand firm and carry on. I use to worry myself sick about what others thought about my choices, as well as the medical world…. doctor after doctor belittling me and our choices… it weighed heavy on me.
The weight of it was so hard. Being a young mother, made it even harder.
The weight of not being able to nurse my children, baby… after baby… after baby… as hard as I tried it would not work and it broke my heart each and every single time.
The weight of to educate at home or to send them to public school.
The weight of what to feed them. Because apparently everything on the shelf is bad for us. I mean subway bread will kill us right?
The weight of discipline…. WOW.
Motherhood is changing constantly for me. I have learned a lot the last few years especially. I do not at all feel I have “gotten there” as far as “knowing what I have done” is the best choice… I don’t think any of us will ever get there… nor will we ever always make the right choice.
… but you better believe I will try my best.
Even if my best is imperfect and filled with mistakes.
The weight of motherhood today is heavy on me.
Wondering if you are doing things right.
Wondering if it matters.
Wondering if they will grow up to be amazing adults, or broken from all the mistakes you made along the way.
My prayers for safety are there… but even more so I pray the Lord saves me boys young… and that they desire to honor Christ…
That is what ultimately matters….
I want so much for these dudes.
Marriages that are strong.
and most of all Salvation.
The weight of a mother…. if you are new at this journey, hang tight :) – if you are in the phase I am in, lets be real together…. I am tired of being fake.. although for some time I feel I have been pretty transparent with most. I still have a tendency to put my guard up… but im learning to let it down. I want other moms to know they are not alone in this journey and that it is ok to feel broken some days.