There are countless times I am out alone with my 4 boys. More times than not it is my own doing but a doing that I feel is something I need to do. We don’t do much. We can’t. It is just how life is right now. The days of going and doing all the fun activities just can’t happen. Playdate’s at jump houses do not happen. While $5-8.00 a kid doesn’t seem bad… x that by 3 or 4, it sure does add up. So we do little… and that is ok. On occasion though I do feel the need to treat our boys to some adventures and one of those adventures lately have been the zoo. We try to get a season pass to some sort of museum, zoo, aquarium type place at least once a year. Our 1st year here it was the Georgia Aquarium. This year the Atlanta Zoo.
Some trips are better than others… this particular trip went well.
Just the 4 boys and I.
With a cooler packed and my mind set on relaxing as best I could in a zoo with 4 boys.
The trip went well.
I know when I go on trips like this I have to go in with thoughts of positivity…. and preparedness… preparing myself as well as my boys. Reminding them that I need their help and that daddy is not with us. That I need them to be big and to listen and obey, so that mommy does not loose her mind. Yes I have said that outloud before, to them. Some may NOT agree with my choice of words :) – Its just what comes out.
& In those moments I felt blessed. While moments did get hectic…. one part of the day in-particular stands out to me. We made a pit stop at the zoo playground… this particular day it was filled to the max. I think every school in Atlanta decided it was a great day to come. :-) It was busy and while there children dashed back and forth with no care at all but for themselves. I watched children bicker over monkey bars and kids push and shove little ones without blinking. My older 3 boys are old enough to play as they please without to much concern on my part… as I hovered over baby Reed though I got to admit, I got nervous at times. Watching these children ages 7+ years old ignoring the fact the playground was filled with infants and young toddlers.
After a few moments there my oldest Caleb came to me and said “Why aren’t these kids watching out for the babies?!” – at 9 years old he was clearly able to see what was going on and realized it was not safe or right. I stood my ground firm and would tell those quick passing kids pushing and shoving to watch it and be careful… with very little regard they just look at me and keep on.
You can’t parent other peoples kids.
I realize that.
I know that.
I wasn’t expecting for much more than what was given me in that moment.
A moment I needed to see.
While thick in doubt right now.
Doubt of God’s provision of our family and protection… I see glimmers in the midst of His faithfulness… I am not proud of where I am right now spiritually. I am walking through some merky water and I am tired. I am not myself and I cannot wait to get out. I wish it was as easy as writing it down on a piece of paper or on a blog. Its not.