I haven’t felt very inspired spiritually lately. I know the reason behind it is the fact our lives have brought us some real battles… which have honestly put a huge wedge between me and the Lord. I think these times in our lives happen when we become believers. I think they are totally normal and I have yet to meet a believer yet that has not faced this feeling. Then again there may be believers out there who have been on fire 100% since coming to know the Lord and never wavered. I find it hard to believe but I suppose that is not impossible.
Worship for us has been hard in church. Not because of the church itself. Can I just get an Amen at how amazing a preacher and pastor our Pastor is? Pastor Johnny Hunt seriously is one of the best speakers Ive ever heard. I love hearing him preach. Our worship team as well, amazing. It isnt the church “itself” that is the problem… I think its just the situation we are in right now. Reed if you don’t remember got Rotavirus a few months ago… plagued him with 12 days of sickness. Not just a little sickness either. Every diaper change he had to have a bath. Every nap and bed time resulted in stripping of sheets and washing a crib. It was a constant state of worry and doing… between him and the other 3 boys and my husband even getting it as well, we were miserable for weeks… It literally took me a month to feel normal again after that sickness. Wow! That virus is no joke.
Since it however I had to make a decision to not put Reed back in nursery. My sanity could not take it. I knew without a doubt Reed picked up that virus from our church nursery. We had been NO WHERE prior to that Sunday morning we put him in nursery… It started with him and I just know it came from that room he was in that morning. I understand and realize babies get sick. Its part of babyhood :) – and part of motherhood. We have to witness and see babies struggle through sickness and the 1st two years typically are the hardest as far as that goes. However, after 4 babies I have never ever experienced sickness like that and It has crippled us when it comes to ever putting our baby in the nursery again.
I know we are not to live in fear… we are to take our thoughts captive and the Lord is with us… for me though, I had to just hold off on nursery and keep my baby safe. Reed right now has been with us in every single worship service… and after weeks of having to walk out because he was jabbering, wouldnt sit still or pooped… my husband or myself (almost always me though) misses the service. It is what it is. We try to tag team so one of us at least gets to listen to the entire sermon one sunday a month – but none the less it feels as if we are drifting in the area of worship and I do miss it.
Parenting in the Pew is something Ive talked about on here before… it is a training process and a rewarding one… but from around age 9 mo-2 years old, its almost impossible. Reed is 18 mo. old and wants nothing more than to run, explore and be loud. He has limited understanding at his age and its hard to punish a 18 mo. old for not wanting to sit for an hour :) – so yea, its a struggle.
A struggle I am sure we will continue to face for weeks to come. I keep saying “next sunday…. ill put him in nursery.” – as we head to church though we back out and even our 9 year old son Caleb tells me “you shouldnt risk that… ” – because that virus was so hard on him as well, the fear of another has affected him too… Which may be because he see’s how it has affected his mom. They are always watching :)
All that being said.
Easter is here.
I love Easter.
Its so bright and springy… and fun.
We do Easter Egg hunts and hang out with friends… we get to go to worship and sing praises about Christ and the hope he has given us all with his death, burial and Resurrection. Our children have been so sweet to watch as we read the stories of Jesus, Passover, the Cross and so forth. They colored pictures of Jesus washing the disciples feet and ended an evening praying and thanking God for their day and days to come.
So despite feeling in a bit of a funk spiritually… I feel the Lords covering over our family… I know the Lord is here with us in these struggles and I am thankful for where he has brought us and how he has blessed us.
Even small touches in our yard… such as these flowers….
I see them and they are just small reminders of those blessings… At times I feel trapped in my home. Always being a mom…. cleaning up messes… washing laundry… feel secluded from other relationships… as I sit in our drive way alone with my boys, I often am ministered to just by what is surrounding our home. A home I know the Lord provided. A home we honestly were given for far less than it was worth because a Christian couple heard our story and felt it was a home meant for our family. A home surrounded by Bradford Pear trees in bloom and bulbs I didnt even plant sprouting up all over. A yard with green grass (possible weeds hah) where my 4 boys play daily… in their own imaginary world. Full of forts, creeks, bugs and critters. A place while not perfect, blesses me.
I hope all those reading have a blessed Easter… and remember tomorrow we are to praise for the Lord is Risen!!