Modesty – or Bra & Panties?

Today I think ill open up a can of worms for everyone. A topic that may drive some heat to my blog…. or may inspire… Hoping for the inspiration and encouragement more so than the persecution.

Let me first start off by saying that I think NO LESS of anyone who chooses differently than me. In fact posting about this is difficult for me because I have many friends and family that I love and adore, who choose differently in this dept. It can be a place of awkwardness between us if I even speak on this… but alas I can’t keep quiet any longer. I feel as if pretending this isn’t an issue, that I am covering it over, as if it does not matter… when honestly, it does. Being silent never changed anything. We each have to pray and discern what is right and best for our own family. My conviction I do not expect to be ANYONE elses. I just want people to read this with an open mind and consideration…

So lets back up a bit.

Prior to having children. Prior to the oh so beautiful marks and changes motherhood can bring.
[Btw plug to this Mom who wrote on wearing those marks of motherhood proudly in her bathingsuit. I loved this post A LOT. Must see after you read mine ;-) ] I never ever wore a Bikini. In fact in my adolescence I was so insecure about myself, that I often covered up with T-shirts in the pool. I also battled severe eczema on my legs… so I was embarrassed by them and did not want my legs to be seen. Now as an adult. After marriage… a few babies. My being in a bathing suit doesn’t really bother me. Of course I have those moments I feel insecure about my flaws… not wanting to be seen because I feel bloated or need to loose 10 pounds. It is my brokenness… and I can at least own it and be honest about it. Having to wear a bathing suit though, is nothing but a thing :) – It is something I have to just get over and do. I have boys who love the pool… and I am not going to sit on the side lines watching. So 10 pounds or not, Im going to wear a bathing suit, free from a t-shirt and farmers tan. My wearing a bathing suit though, does not mean I have to conform to society’s ideals and prance around in bra and panties. ::dom… dom… dom:: Yes I said it.

One thing I have always desired when it came to my bathing suits… was to be modest. Especially after I got married. However I had moments in our marriage I wanted to show more, so that my husband would not be tempted to look elsewhere… I realized the sheer ridiculousness in that thinking and after maturing and growing in my marriage, faith as well as myself, I realize that no matter how SKIMPY I dress, a spouse will never be faithful, unless they are transformed by Christ and take their own brokenness captive. Men are men. Men are visual… and ladies, if you think your husband is not tempted by another woman some time or another, may it be from a magazine, website or even passing by someone in a grocery store, etc… you are fooling yourself. Even Jesus was tempted in his life… it is not a sin to be tempted but to act on that temptation is the sin.

So lets swing on back.

My wanting to be modest :)

I as you know, do not have a daughter. God has chosen to bless us with 4 dudes and for that I am forever thankful. Do I want a daughter, to go ahead and answer that, sure! I would love that ;-) – if the Lord chose to give us one, I surely wouldn’t say no.

With my boys growing up each passing year… entering the double digits this year (Can you believe Caleb will be 10?!)… the area of “girls” has come up a few times already. We can see in our boys a desire to show off…. please… be noticed by the opposite sex. Our boys can admit when they think a girl is pretty…

Our boys this year have begun asking questions such as “Why do girls wear Bikinis Mom?”“Do you have a Bikini?” – “Girls wear those because they have boobs.”

When we are at the pool, I notice my boys looking at girls… and while it may be purely innocent at their ages. Ages 4, 7 and 9… I know they will be drawn to that now and forever… and it frustrates me so much when young girls show up, prancing around in such small bathing suits, it truly makes me question their parents logic in allowing them to wear it in the first place.

I saw just the other day, two young teen girls, maybe age 15? Walking down our neighborhood streets in string bikinis smaller than my under garments. Nothing else on. Do people not realize men, men they don’t even know, drive down those roads and can see their daughters?? As we passed those girls that day, I felt my heart literally sink… as I thought of all the thoughts and things that could happen to those young girls. The many lustful looks they would get and how girls every day in our world are abducted and raped or even killed.

I saw a video the other day on youtube about modesty… about the “history of the bikini”… science behind a man’s thoughts and brain when he sees a woman in a bikini vs. a modestly dressed woman… and it was so very well done I wanted to include it in this post:


*View Rey Swimwear Here. The bathing suit company this young lady started.*

God wants us to cloth ourselves with discretion… (Prvbs 11:22) – We need to not only think of ourselves and how we make others view us… but think of your girlfriends husband. Think of the single guy at the pool who is someones son… Think of your children and the example you wish to set for them.

I remember as a teen feeling stupid to think I had to dress modestly in order to be a believer. I remember thinking anything having to do with submission and modesty made me a loser and weak.. that those things came from “olden days…” and to conform to those narrow ways of life, didnt apply to the life of a believer today. In todays society…. I wanted to be well liked and “up to par” with society… but Praise God he got a grip of me and did a work… I am thankful for His working in my life… I am thankful for conviction. Thankful for His Word and Truth.

With all this said.

I don’t want people to think I believe women should wear a tent to the beach.
I don’t think women should wear MODEST wear swim suits that goes to their knees. Unless they just want too. By all means, you are welcome to wear those if that is your style. No hate. You can dress stylish and current without compromising your dignity and causing men to stumble.

I truly believe, if you are ok wearing bikinis. You should be okay with allowing your teen daughter to answer the door to your neighbor you’ve yet to speak to or UPS man, with nothing on but her bra and panties.

    A bikini is no different.

They show just as much skin and look exactly the same.

I hope some of this is making sense :) - I don’t want to ever come across as judgmental or harsh. I want my post to resignate my desire for women to realize they are so much more… and their self worth should not be wrapped up in their ability to wear less.

To take this a step farther…

Let us chat for a moment about young children in bikinis. While I am ok with a bikini on say a 6 month old baby… what I really have trouble being ok with, are when parents dress their young girls (ages 3+) in tini tiny bikinis… What is the purpose? Why do it? What is your motivation for having your toddler/child wear such small bathing suits? I think this is something mothers should think about before they dress their kids.

As I looked up bathing suits for girls, I couldn’t help but CRINGE at each passing photo of these young innocent children being shown to the world in such a provocative way…

Lets take a look.

Young girls… children. With BIKINIS….


bikinis

Some may look at them and think nothing of it. They may look and see adorable cute girls sporting cute bikinis and nothing more. However, when I look at it… I see young girls being exposed in a way they do not need to be exposed. Young girls who are dressing that way because their mother does. Their friend at school does. Or their older sister does. Young girls very well will have men glare at them without even knowing it… Not all men btw. Im not trying to bash men and all their thinking. I do not believe all men look at children in wrongful ways.. There are lost of dads out there who allow bikinis on their baby girls… and I know they have pure motives. So I hope. I just know there is such a BROKENESS in this world… why do it… why risk that. It just doesn’t make sense to me why anyone would let a child wear one…

Now lets look at some Young girls…. children. With a modest Bathing suit….

swimwear

When I look at those images. I see adorableness. I see fashion. I see innocent children enjoying their time… without unknowing eyes on them. Age appropriate.… and just so cute! If I had a girl, that is what she’d wear. Maybe one day I will get to purchase one of those bathing suits for a daughter ;-) – for now ill link all my friends to them haha…

So to wrap things up… lets talk about some swim suits I really like.

I actually recently went on the hunt to find a bathing suit myself. I had a really cute one from Target. I had purchased it while pregnant with baby Reed and LOVED IT. It was a swim dress style that had a crochet top… worked perfectly for my growing belly… Come this summer though I put the same suit on and it sadly no longer fit. At least not well… :) – it had been stretched out significantly in the chest… and despite my attempts to make it work, after my top dropped down and a nipple popped out in front of a friend… I knew, I had to get a new suit.

So I began to search… and I thankfully found a really cute one at TJMaxx. It wasn’t dirt cheap ($39.00) *no bathing suit should be, quality…. is something I really desire in any bathingsuit.. I dont want cheap *floppy* fabric and loose stitching* – Originally this suit was over $100.00 new at DKNY… so for me, it was a score. The suit is so cute… it can be worn strapless or with a strap. I prefer it with the strap :) – but if I wanted to lay out, the strap can be removed (which I don’t ever have to do. Thanks to my moms amazing Panamanian Genes she passed onto me, I am forever tan.)… The bathing suit is made very well and IMO is modest swimwear.

Is it still attractive? YES.

I think it looks very nice… and my husband for one can vouch for his thoughts on it ;-) – he loves it. However, my boobs arent popping out the sides. My butt isnt being held together by a string… It looks and functions great with out compromising my worth.

Now to close. I will say. Men are men. Men are broken. Women are broken. No matter what you wear, a man could very well still look at you and lust… You could walk around covered to your knees and still fall into an affair or immoral relationship of some sort. No one is ever above that. You have to be intentional. So lets be intentional about our bathing suits. Lets not give into the world… our society… and compromise our bodies and self worth. Take a leap. Make a decision not to wear a bikini….

I promise, you will be so much more lovely.

Update: I have had a lot of people comment on social media about this post… many mentioning this is creating a double standard and right issue between men and women. This isnt the point of this post. Men and Women have just as equal rights. If a women wanted to wear a two piece she could. Heck if she wanted to go topless, she could very well find a topless beach and do so. My brother use to live in Italy… and he spoke about some beaches he went to with topless women everywhere. For me, Im thankful that is not the case here haha… but the point is. You as a woman can wear a two piece. I am not saying you can’t… I am just encouraging believers mostly to think about the reasoning behind the two piece… To consider the men… and while yes men can wear a pair of trunks and no shirt… it may seem unfair… one thing that is very concrete is the fact men and women are created differently. Our brains do not work the same… we do not look at things the same nor feel the same.. Women are more emotional than men and men are more visual. This is not scripture, this is fact. It is how we are created… and thats ok. Theres beauty in our differences… but as a believer, knowing that men are visual… I want to do everything I can to help minimize their temptation. I do not want to cause another spouse to stumble… or a teenager to lust… I want to be above approach… and be modest, because I believe scripture calls us to live modestly. It is my conviction and the Lords leading in my life. To each their own though… This post is not meant to shame or make people think I am judging them for their choices…

Comments

comments

8 Responses to Modesty – or Bra & Panties?

  1. Erika S says:

    Love this! I am so glad I have boys because finding age appropriate clothing for girls is almost possible. I do not understand our society that says it is ok to put skimpy clothing on children. It is so sad that girls are learning self worth comes from what men think of our bodies rather than our minds.

  2. shanilie says:

    I agree mostly. I do not think children should be wearing bikinis. If I had a bikini body – I would lol. On another note, when I was little everyone (toddler girls and boys) went around with no shirts at all. The times sure have changed…

  3. Brittany says:

    I completely 100% agree with you on the children (even in my opinion babies) should be covered and I don’t feel they should be wearing bikinis. If I someday have a daughter, both my husband and I agree, she will be wearing a stylish 1 piece. She can pick whatever she want’s so long as it is a 1 piece. I want my daughter to grow up having a desire to be modest.
    To this day I have a bikini top and board shorts but I wear a tank top over my bikini top. I have recent picture of myself in just the bikini top but I was in the pool on my own patio thus I did not particularly care. I am in search of a new bathing suit now for my new mommy body and I am searching for a stylish 1 piece.
    I plan to try to dress more modestly so my son learns that women whom dress modestly are as beautiful and attractive as the girls whom show off everything. And if I ever have a daughter, I want to be a good example for her.
    Do I think women whom feel comfortable in their own body and sexuality are bad? Absolutely not! I envy your confidence! But for me and my views, I feel myself & my children should be modestly dressed.
    I also do not believe there is a double standard at work here. Yes, my son will get to wear board shorts and no shirt but he does not have breasts to show off. And there are people in this world that, though my daughter at age 3 doesn’t have breasts yet, they would see the potential that is there and become lustful by it. YES, there are people in this world like that about young boys, however, I am not going to make my son cover from head to toe as I won’t make my daughter. And yes, I will have standards for my daughters clothing i.e. no booty shorts, mini skirts or the like but I will also have standards for my son. He will not wear his pants to his knees or t-shirts that would make a sailor blush.

    Sorry for highjacking your blog Andrea! I just thought I would put my views out there to try to help your mission.

  4. leslie says:

    i’m all for age-appropriate clothing and my daughters actually wear “modest” bathing suits; but my reasons are different: i think that every child has the right to actually be just that: a child. no one {men or women}should hinder a child from being and enjoying its childhood.

    teen-girls and women should be wearing what they feel comfortable with. and if comfortable means a burkini or a two-piece, fine! i’m european, so i grew up with women being topless at beaches and pools. and actually i doesn’t bother me at all.

    what bothers me actually are sentences like “Do people not realize men, men they don’t even know, drive down those roads and can see their daughters??”; because that means that {and i pray that it doesn’t!} if those girls ARE abused, the parents or {even worse} these girls are actually guilty. and that’s not the case AT ALL!

    abusive behaviour is a sickness. and it doesn’t matter whose showing abusive behaviour {recently a woman in my country was charged guilty for forcing teen girls into prostitution – and that’s not just one case, it happens daily all around the world} – it is always wrong and it’s ALWAYS the abusers’ fault, NEVER the victims.

    dressing modestly should happen, like you said in other paragraphes, because of your self-perception, because of your self worth if you will, NOT because you “could tempt a man”; men’s brains may work differently, but that doesn’t mean that a) they can behave like they want to and b)should anyone dictate how they want to be dressed/styled.

    i hope that i didn’t come across too harsh :)

    have a great day!

  5. Sue says:

    Thank you for this post. It makes me so sad to see the lack of modesty so prevalent among Christians who are called to do all to the glory of God. May that be our motive in every area of life.

  6. Melanie says:

    As a mother to two girls and a youth leader in a local Church Youth, I struggle with this topic and how it affects my daughters. I pray they see the value in modesty as they grow older.

  7. Nell says:

    If I had a daughter I would not allow her to wear anything but a one piece swimming suit. It’s beyond me when I see little girls and pre-teens in skimpy bikinis!

  8. Jasmine says:

    This is a great post but I also can’t say that I fully agree. Both the Bikini’s & modest swimsuits are very cute & I have no issue with my daughters wearing either. They have & own both 1 peice & 2 peice swimsuits like the pictures posted here. When we buy we look at the cuteness of the swimsuit. I am kinda on the fence when it comes to this. You see I feel like kids are kids no matter what they wear. It doesn’t mean that the parent is exploiting them because we are not. Like one poster said, like her I also grew up in the error when children ( girls ) would be topless & parents & others around didn’t think anything of it. With that said, times have changed & I agree this day & age people have developed perverted views & ideas towards children, which is quite sickening. I don’t feel or agree that I am advertising or exploiting my children because of the swimsuits that they wear. You have to also agree that those type of people ( perverts ) do not care if a child is dressed modest or in a bikini. If they have perverted views about a child, I seriously doubt that it matters to them what the child is wearing. All they see is a child & their pervertion. Again not the swimsuit that they wear. Sadly they see all children pervertedly.

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