Something we have done for 4+ years now… Feel’s weird to even write that. 4 years. How can I have a future 4th grader already?!
Something I really, had no intention of ever doing before I had kids. In fact, the thought of it made me think of overly nerdy kids and moms with no life. Yea. I was one of those who thought all home school kids turned out strange and hated it in the end. That any mom who home schooled was weird for doing it and needed a life. I was the mom who never felt smart enough and honestly probably wouldn’t be smart enough, without the help of amazing curriculum available today. Y’all read my blog. You know my grammar and spelling can be pretty bad :) – mainly out of sheer laziness and a constant rush without proofing. It is what it is, doesn’t bother me.
Full of struggle.
Full of doubt.
It may be just me. I doubt it. I as a home school mom, question myself.
Question if my kids get it.
Question if its worth it.
Question if I am doing a good job, if my children are up to par with their academics…
Question if I am doing more harm than good… and often wanting to just throw in the towel and let go.
To the public school moms.
I envy you :) – truly.
I have thought to do public school for years now… especially since we live in an area where the schools are great in compassion to some. I have many sweet friends who public school and have very sweet and well mannered, smart children.
Public School is not the enemy, home school die hards. :)
The system may be jacked up in many areas… our society may be polluted with A LOT… and much of which comes from parents, media and technology flooding our children’s minds and hearts. It really is no reason to hate or bash Public School though. After all, I turned out ok ;-) – as did my husband. It came with struggle at times, but life is full of struggles, home school or public schooled.
I envy the recitals and fun school plays. I envy the cute back packs and lunch boxes. Although I am sure if I was the Public School Mom, I wouldn’t envy any of it ;-) – but I do in moments.
Something I can’t seem to shake. A conviction.
I love my boys. Not to say, someone who doesn’t home school, doesn’t love theirs.
I love seeing them learn… and while at times I want to chuck their books across the room and escape to my room with a very strong glass of wine. I think those moments are normal, few (sometimes many) and all part of the experience.
Through those experiences, my children see their mom broken. They see sacrifice. They see apologies.
As the new year is about to start in a month or two (depending on where you live or what schedule you abide by)… I begin to do research for next year’s curriculum. All the while, I have this tug to just stop.
To give up.
The constant weight of doubt in me and my ability to school these boys, is so heavy some days.
I want my boys to do well. I want their education to be above the norm and I want them to love learning. I think so often when you are the teacher… and you are learning right along with each passing year. You tend to over think things some days…
Last night we went to our new neighbors home. Two doors down from us. They just moved in and while out with the boys bike riding… the husband struck up a conversation with Taite *our 7 yr old* – and it led to our entire family bumming off their cookout haha (they insisted). My boys went into their home and began to strike up conversations with the guest they had over. Many minutes later, some of the guest came out to meet us… One of the ladies came over to me and began asking me if the 2 boys inside where mine. I told her yes… and she went on telling me how impressed she was with my boys. She said they where so cute and intellectual in their speech. She said she was so impressed with their manners and how they told her “yes mam’.” Something we btw drill in them daily ;-) – its been a constant reminder we give them when speaking to adults. Lately they have started being much more constant with using “yes mam’ and yes sir.” I also btw use to he ANTI “yes mam’ and yes sir” lingo :) – I thought it was snobbish as a child and didn’t understand why anyone used it. I thought it was old fashion. Boy how your views change once you actually become an adult and have children. It is just so much more respectful to hear a child respond to you with a “yes mam'” than “yea.” To each their own though. Some I know don’t see it as a must… and it isn’t, its just something we feel is nice.
Hearing someone verbally tell you their approval of your children… and how she thought highly of my boys and praised me for it, was something I needed.
I was so blessed by our children that night and hugged them extra tight that night thanking them. Was proud of them.
It is hard.
I don’t blame anyone at all who chooses Public School, Charter, Private… whatever it may be.
I think when it comes to our children’s education, what matters is a parents desire to love those children. To train them… to teach them, outside and inside of school when they can… and to forever encourage and lift them up.
My boys have their moments of disappointment. They have their moments of bickering. Selfishness… pure annoyance :) – but they are good boys who I am so proud of.
Im thankful to be able to say, Ive been there EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. Teaching. Learning. Growing with them daily.