There are some times moments in your life, where you feel under attack. Where a lot goes wrong at once… and you just can’t seem to get out of the rut. Could stem from sick kids. Quarrels. Stress. Job. Marriage. Friendship. Often times situations can be made worse by our past emotions, triggers and current circumstances. The dominoes may all fall at once… and we can break. All very vague I know… but lets just say, Satan wants nothing more than to steal our joy… and for a few days, I felt it heavily. He can use circumstances and others to fester in our souls… and if we allow this and let it… it is never pretty and will never glorify the Father.
There are times to weep… and times to dance. (ecc 3:4) We are imperfect and we will have moments where we lash out. We will have moments where our emotions take over… and we may sit on our sofa, in a car or on a bed, cry, curse, escape through a TV show, eat, not eat or feel just incredibly burdened and overwhelmed, not really sure what the answer will be or if there will be one. The weight, responsibility, worry, assumptions can truly drive you mad. Placing unneeded things on our minds and plate, yet feeling unable to overcome them at that moment.
I did a lot of painting this weekend.
I painted a bathroom. As well as the entire hall way area upstairs (including a very high area upstairs that required a full size ladder). I even painted the entire downstairs hall way in the home too. 3 gallons of paint… and a few blisters later… I am finished. EXCEPT for the trim. I find that when I am overwhelmed and feeling heavy emotionally and spiritually, that sometimes focusing my energy onto something such as painting, is good for me. It allows me an outlet and a time to just do… and create… and while painting walls is not nearly as creative per say, as painting an abstract painting or fine art :) – it still is very therapeutic and did help.
As I painted the walls, I cranked up worship music… and I am just so thankful for music. For lyrics written by talented artist, who minister to our souls.
One of the songs that came on today. One I had heard, many times. Just blessed me.
At the beginning it says….
God I give You all I can today
These scattered ashes that are hid away
I lay them all at Your feet
From the corners of my deepest shame
The empty places where I’ve worn Your name
Show me the love I say I believe
O Help me to lay it down
Oh, Lord I’ll lay it down
O let this be where I die
My Lord with thee crucified
Be lifted high as my kingdom fall
Once and for all, once and for all
Just a song full of great truth!
I am so thankful for the cross. For forgiveness… for a Savior, despite our anger. Despite those moments we regret and the emotions we may feel, He covers us. As the song played, I was just so thankful for the lesson I learned this week.
It was a lesson that needed to happen and while it was not fun. It was just such a clear evidence of how God can use circumstances we would rather not happen, to grow us. For that, I am thankful.