Today has been one of those days.
You know… the kind that doesn’t start so great…
The one that comes after a night of toss & turns.
The kind where you feel you are being pulled in so many directions, you aren’t sure what to do… or how to keep things straight.
I’m there…
… and honestly I don’t know how single mothers do it…. because even though my husband is not working right now & I am… having to be away from my kids all the time, its difficult. While I do enjoy a break from time to time from the chaos of 3 active little boys… I also miss it.
I also find it hard to manage the menu in our household while working… I have no time to really sit down and plan, & the prepping it for when I am away, is even harder.
My skin crawls when I walk into a house that isnt totally put together – because Im not there enough to really keep it up and as hard as my husband tries, he isnt me… and I dont expect him to be me… or clean like me. Its not something he is use to or even really thinks about… Although he tries really hard, since he does know its important to me… its just hard to do something he has never been required to do, until now. Men work differently :) – and I am sure all the moms out there can relate to how they clean vs. how their husband cleans.
Its a challenge to let go of that.
I sat here for a few, as my kids were downstairs enjoying a cartoon with their daddy… acting silly… and I was upstairs alone in my room, at a desk… organizing up coming sessions… figuring out what I have already photographed and what else needed to be done by a certain time. I went through e-mails of deadlines I have for sponsored post… that I really feel the need to do, since it brings in a good amount of income… but also feel so uninspired and unsure how to put them together.. as of now. I have countless messages from friends I have yet to reply to…. yet know they are there. Do know, Im not ignoring you :) – I just honestly can’t find time to do it all…
I know.
I’m complaining.
Or maybe just getting it off my chest.
I know my heart is right in just wanting to slow down… but unsure how where we are.
I miss seeing faces like this more often than not. & feeling rushed…
My writing this is a way to really experience what I am feeling. It helps me to write. I also realize that my struggle may be another ones encouragement… knowing they aren’t alone in it. Relating.
I hope to slow down.
We got some big decisions coming up… that will impact how things continue to progress… I want to share more, but can’t. I do know that the Lord promises to give us the desires of our heart… and even though I adore photography, he knows I love being a mom… and miss it.