Category Archives: parenting

Weight of Motherhood

We were on the church trolly this am headed to worship and reed begins to pucker up and cry.. He knew what was coming. Nursery. By the time we got to the actual building he was in hysterics. I've never had one cry this bad before and get so emotional to lWeight. Its a funny word.
You associate it with gain. Loss. Measures. Strength.

Ive had a rough time lately with that weight.
I guess you could say in both physical and emotionally/mentally/spiritually.

Weight obviously sticks around after 4 babies and those who don’t have that problem are blessed or don’t eat :) – My body despite my fight, seems to enjoy the 5-7 pounds of post baby weight. It doesnt seem to want to let that go :) – learning to be content with it… but I do have my days it depresses me. Wont lie about that.

The weight of motherhood though for me right now is in regards to what it puts on you year after year… after year.

I remember when I first began this journey of motherhood. It was something I actually never really “wanted” – although once I got married I did… but as a teen/young adult, I did not want kids for a while. Funny how God can place us in a path that we never see coming HAH.

When I first had my children the weight was not as heavy. I remember thinking often about the safety of my children more than anything.

About SIDS.

About all the possible childhood illnesses they could contract.

About them falling and breaking their neck.

About vaccinating or not to vaccinate.

About which carseat and which direction would be best.

About using a crib with bumpers or not bumpers… this use to consume like crazy!

These two and my #iPad … yet now as my children grow older… I find myself less concerned or I guess more adapted to those thoughts… I don’t let the vaccine thing consume like it did years back. I did my homework, stand firm and carry on. I use to worry myself sick about what others thought about my choices, as well as the medical world…. doctor after doctor belittling me and our choices… it weighed heavy on me.

The weight of it was so hard. Being a young mother, made it even harder.

The weight of not being able to nurse my children, baby… after baby… after baby… as hard as I tried it would not work and it broke my heart each and every single time.

The weight of to educate at home or to send them to public school.

The weight of what to feed them. Because apparently everything on the shelf is bad for us. I mean subway bread will kill us right?

The weight of discipline…. WOW.

Motherhood is changing constantly for me. I have learned a lot the last few years especially. I do not at all feel I have “gotten there” as far as “knowing what I have done” is the best choice… I don’t think any of us will ever get there… nor will we ever always make the right choice.

… but you better believe I will try my best.

Even if my best is imperfect and filled with mistakes.

The weight of motherhood today is heavy on me.

Caleb reading the hobbit while #beardeddragon August relaxes as well :) - so sweet. #homeschooler #homeschool #badweatherhermit Love my boys dearly but after days that are less than easy, you become weary.

Wondering if you are doing things right.

Wondering if it matters.

Wondering if they will grow up to be amazing adults, or broken from all the mistakes you made along the way.

My prayers for safety are there… but even more so I pray the Lord saves me boys young… and that they desire to honor Christ…

That is what ultimately matters….

I want so much for these dudes.

Truly.

Happiness.

Success.

Marriages that are strong.

Children.

and most of all Salvation.

The weight of a mother…. if you are new at this journey, hang tight :) – if you are in the phase I am in, lets be real together…. I am tired of being fake.. although for some time I feel I have been pretty transparent with most. I still have a tendency to put my guard up… but im learning to let it down. I want other moms to know they are not alone in this journey and that it is ok to feel broken some days.

Life

Loved this commercial to much not to share. Good job coke, you got this so right haha…

4 is a lot but can be done

*The Photos in this post are totally random. I just thought they were cute. The other day while I was getting Reed’s bath water hot, Caleb was suppose to be “undressing him” for me… and when I come out of the bathroom to get him, I find them putting head phones on him totally butt naked. Was so funny!”

IMG_0160I wanted to jot down real quick today… some proud moments I had as a mother of these 4 crazy boys. :) If you follow me on facebook you may have read about my amazing afternoon being spoiled by my 8 year old, Caleb.

We had our home school group earlier in the day from 9-12:30… and then once we got home, we had lunch and then it was nap time. I put Owen down for his nap shortly after 1. Put Taite into his room for his “quiet time” and then I went upstairs to wake Reed up to eat. Reed ended up playing more than he ate :) – which ended up in a “lets all play in mommy’s bed” hour… but by 2pm Reed was back down for a nap.

I then decided to lay down for a nap, since Owen was still in bed and the other two were going to be “in quiet time” for at least one more hour. It was rainy out so it was perfect “nap weather”. ;-)

I then woke up to Caleb in my bed, staring at me (you know how you sense your child beside you, I totally did at that moment!). He then says to me:

“Umm…. its 4….”

I was like “whoa…. really?!”

and I then ask “well where is Reed.” – Reed was in my room napping, so I thought haha…

Caleb ended up getting him out of the crib, after hearing him “begin to wake up” around 3pm… and took him out of the room so I could sleep. He then proceeds to tell me as I wake up from my nap that, he fed Reed a bottle (he knows how to make them), he also changed his diaper… and that he was with Taite playing in his “bouncy seat” – and that Owen was downstairs watching a TV show and eating a snack. He then told me that he swept the kitchen for me as well… and was going to “wash the dishes” but didn’t have time.

Now I am not telling you all this to make other moms feel bad :) – but can I just say that I am incredibly proud of my boy right now! My children are never perfect. There are days Caleb annoys the tar out of me. Yet there are days like today when I am just so happy with how he is turning out. He is just an awesome lil’ dude.

TO think he is only 8…. I cant imagine what kind of helper he will be at 16!

Since I was feeling well rested and happy with how well all 4 of them were behaving. I decided to treat them to a night out at the mall. They love going there because they have a “lego” store. :)

So I packed up all the boys… and we made the 20 minute drive in nasty wet traffic…. and from 4:30-7pm we spent our time at the mall. Eating supper (was under 10 bucks!), babywearing ;-) – oh how Reed loves it… playing with lots of legos at the lego store. I think Owen made like 15 lego men haha… Taking potty breaks, getting free samples at the Annie’s pretzel stops (we went to two haha… free samples rock btw, my kids always beg for 2). The boys played with their lego men they made at a sitting area, while I fed Reed. All in all, it was a very uneventful trip and I had a great time with them. I was thankful for no tantrums and no poop or pee in someones pants :) – hah…

Thankful for days like today.

Thankful for boys learning they have to help their mom and each other.

There are so many days I feel as if I am a broken record… but I can really see where that “constant” correcting, is producing some fruit.

Thankful for safety.

Thankful for 4 little boys upstairs in bed, cozy and whipped from a great trip out.

Thankful for the means to be able to go to the mall and enjoy a few treats and spend a little money. While I would have loved to indulge lots more ;-) – I am beyond blessed to be able to do any of it.

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and so so thankful for the way my children love on baby Reed. While he has been very hard for me… nights were KILLER the 1st 12 weeks… when I see my boys with him and how much they enjoy him, it honestly makes me want 3 more HAHA! but I know that wont be happening ;-) – so I got to soak it up while I can.

Exploring Purity at 7

For some time now, I have had a burden on my heart…
… a burden for my boys & their purity.

It seems with each passing year, the statistics of men addicted to porn goes up… and up. Sexual addiction is such a problem & yet so many people feel the need to just burry it… pretend its not there, and hope no one notices or finds out.

I wasn’t able to find any 2012 statistics but even as far back as 2005 – 70% of men were looking at porn every single month.

I bet if the men here chimed in, who arent ashamed to admit to looking – can probably remember the very 1st time they saw porn – and I have a feeling most of them weren’t even teenagers.

Its heart breaking!

IMG_3485 copyIs it possible for a man to grow up in this country and remain pure? Obviously we will never raise perfect men… our boys will fail, they will sin… they will not lead a life of perfection… but I sure am praying hard for their purity… and that they would learn early on the importance of guarding their eyes and their heart from sexual addictions.

Today while Caleb (7) was outside with a neighborhood friend… just hanging out in the yard, they were chit chatting back and forth and then before I knew it, both were sneaking inside the house. I was of course “watching” them the entire time, so when they came in, I asked them what they wanted. Caleb then said to me…

“He wants to show me something on the computer, can he?”

Im sure you can guess what my answer was.

I let them hang out side for a few more minutes, enjoying a piece of candy they brought home from VBS… and when Caleb came in and his friend left, I sat him down and asked him what it was his friend wanted to show him.

I am pretty good at picking up when my children are lying. It reads all over their face. Caleb as honest as I could tell, had no clue what this boy wanted to show him. He simply said he wanted to show him something on our computer, thats it.

This same boys brother months prior had told Caleb “I want to show you my brothers phone next time I come over… it has a naked lady on it.” – this coming from a boy who was only 9.

Heart breaking!!!

That boy never got a chance to bring his “brothers phone” over – and we are very strict as to where Caleb goes with friends. There are very few we’d actually trust with our children, in their homes.

I am reminded of this verse often… and it rings such truth in so many areas… but esp. in regards to our children…


“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
– 1 Peter 5:8

Satan wants nothing more than to corrupt my boys or anyones kids for that matter.
He would be so pleased to see these young men, grow up to struggle with sexual addiction.

Protect your children…

I was telling Travis just last night how I want him to really talk openly with our boys about purity… about respecting women. The importance and the impact their actions will have prior to even getting married… and how vital it is to guard their hearts…

The statistics are against us in this area. The great peace I do have is knowing we serve such a faithful God… and a God who desires purity… and a future for our boys… we just need to lead them in the right direction, even at 7.

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Also to those curious how we found out about the boy and the cell phone…

Caleb told us.

I am so thankful he feels safe enough to talk to us about things like this. He more often than not goes to his Dad – which is normal :) – Im thankful he has a father willing to speak truth… and be there for him. This I know will be one of the biggest impacts on his life… next to coming to know the Lord.

Encouraging Help

IMG_7410One thing I have really been trying to teach the boys – is to help. May it be cleaning up for each other… or even just putting their dishes away.

Lately the big thing for me is helping with Owen.

Owen is in a very needy phase right now – making it hard for me to get much done. So while I school Caleb, or even just clean the kitchen – I encourage Taite to play with him. Making OWEN happy :) – even if he wants something Owen has.

This sometimes goes well, sometimes doesn’t. Taite after all “wants” a lot too.

Its all about teaching them to deny themselves… which is so far from natural :) – but so biblical.

Caleb has been a great help with Owen.

From getting Owen out of the crib after naps, feeding him a snack and sometimes turning on Thomas the Train for him. Tonight I encouraged him to go fill up the tub for Owen. While I finished folding a MOUND of towels and clothes.

I of course had to stop what I was doing to go photograph it ;-) – so the towels still await me hah…

I can totally see why when your family gets larger, you have to teach your children to serve in these ways. I really think its good for them too. :-D

Here are some photos after Owens bath that were so sweet. Caleb btw didn’t bathe Owen :) – I did do that. He did however entertain him while he sat in a towel drying off.

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