Drea Wood

Category Archives: struggles

I don’t know how

Written on 01/31/2012 by Dreawood in caleb, COR, Owen, struggles, Taite

Today has been one of those days.

You know… the kind that doesn’t start so great…

The one that comes after a night of toss & turns.

The kind where you feel you are being pulled in so many directions, you aren’t sure what to do… or how to keep things straight.

I’m there…

… and honestly I don’t know how single mothers do it…. because even though my husband is not working right now & I am… having to be away from my kids all the time, its difficult. While I do enjoy a break from time to time from the chaos of 3 active little boys… I also miss it.

I also find it hard to manage the menu in our household while working… I have no time to really sit down and plan, & the prepping it for when I am away, is even harder.

My skin crawls when I walk into a house that isnt totally put together – because Im not there enough to really keep it up and as hard as my husband tries, he isnt me… and I dont expect him to be me… or clean like me. Its not something he is use to or even really thinks about… Although he tries really hard, since he does know its important to me… its just hard to do something he has never been required to do, until now. Men work differently :) – and I am sure all the moms out there can relate to how they clean vs. how their husband cleans.

Its a challenge to let go of that.

I sat here for a few, as my kids were downstairs enjoying a cartoon with their daddy… acting silly… and I was upstairs alone in my room, at a desk… organizing up coming sessions… figuring out what I have already photographed and what else needed to be done by a certain time. I went through e-mails of deadlines I have for sponsored post… that I really feel the need to do, since it brings in a good amount of income… but also feel so uninspired and unsure how to put them together.. as of now. I have countless messages from friends I have yet to reply to…. yet know they are there. Do know, Im not ignoring you :) – I just honestly can’t find time to do it all…

I know.

I’m complaining.

Or maybe just getting it off my chest.

I know my heart is right in just wanting to slow down… but unsure how where we are.

I miss seeing faces like this more often than not. & feeling rushed…

My writing this is a way to really experience what I am feeling. It helps me to write. I also realize that my struggle may be another ones encouragement… knowing they aren’t alone in it. Relating.

I hope to slow down.

We got some big decisions coming up… that will impact how things continue to progress… I want to share more, but can’t. I do know that the Lord promises to give us the desires of our heart… and even though I adore photography, he knows I love being a mom… and miss it.

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Genesis…

Written on 11/18/2011 by Dreawood in friends, photography, struggles

It is now 3:33am – friday morning.
As you all may or may not have known, I traveled to Memphis TN this week – to attend the Genesis Workshop.

From Tuesday morning – Thursday – I attended this workshop… that consisted of around 40 photographers around the globe. My friend Melanie Mansfield and her husband Jeff were 2 of the instructions in this workshop.

All I can say is wow.

Between them and the others, there was so much to learn.. soak up and attempt to apply :) – I will admit after the 1st day I felt overwhelmed, excited, confused and unsure all at once.

So many things to consider… think about… change… apply.
I honestly believe I will need weeks, if not months to gather my thoughts… maybe because of the time this took place, with holidays in the air… traveling with family and the winter months ahead… I see so many areas I want to change in the way I run my business… but also at the same time know that our situation is so different right now.

We don’t know how long we will live here.
It may be 1 year, it may be 2 or more.
I would love to have more children, but with the loss of a job, loss of real health insurance, and the uncertainty of so many things, I just don’t know if that is wise right now. Yet at the same time, it really is a great desire of mine.

Finding balance between motherhood… being a wife… possibly entering full time ministry again, home schooling, and just life in general, is a lot. My being a photographer I LOVE – I know I have talent (although at times this weekend I felt so small). I know that with polishing I could be very successful… but putting everything together, and figuring out how to work it all… is so confusing for me.

That being said.

I am so thankful I went to Genesis.
I am thankful for Mel for working it out so I could even go. I don’t feel like I deserved it at all.

I look forward to applying what I learned in the sessions to come.

Now at 3:51 – after I gathered my thoughts… I am off to TRY and sleep. I arrived home last night after 9pm – over 7 hrs of driving, by my self… you would of thought I would crash and sleep all night… I think between the thoughts in my head… the stuffy nose and sore throat I seem to have attained after days in the cold ;-) – and a baby waking at 2am… I just needed to sit down and write.

Tomorrow (today really) will be filled with watching the kids, as my husband is out… My day will be filled with washing linens to prepare for our guest coming in late friday night ;-) – a possible run out to figure out wardrobe ideas for our family portraits this weekend… I hope to bake a few loaves of bread and a few dozen cinnamon rolls as well.

So thankful btw for my husband for watching my sweet boys while away. Despite a mishap with Owens hair… :-\

Also thank you to Nichole. Our sweet neighbor and new friend for providing dinner for my boys as well as some childcare. Her daughter Madison is amazing with our boys. Travis was able to get some things done while she held the fort down.

& possibly… just possibly, tomorrow ill download my card from the week… to share more :)

4:03…. and out.

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My crafty side needs waking

Written on 11/04/2011 by Dreawood in caleb, home school, Owen, struggles, Taite

I must say. I feel as if I am in a home school rut! While we get it done, it has been less than enjoyable some days.

I feel so rushed between what I have to get done regarding cooking, house work, business, church stuff, and whatever else comes up, chiropractor apts (ohh how ill miss those when our insurance runs out), lunch dates with so and so, library runs, blah blah blah… its just hard some mornings to concentrate at the task at hand.

Im working on it.

I am finding the pile of laundry has to wait.

Or the sink full of dishes, that DRIVES ME BANANAS.

The cloth diapers sitting in the wash, needing to be hung…

My own face needing a good wash :)

You name it. Theres always lots to do.

I will say though… that on mornings I do pour a little bit more of myself into the schooling.. rather than just gritting my teeth and getting through the day… that the precious smiles… and fun the kids have are well worth the effort. I love seeing them learn.

Owen I will say, has been the biggest time bomb for me lately.
He has resulted in our schedule altering a good bit.
Less down time for me during naps, and more schooling for Caleb during that time.

A sacrifice for sure…
So to anyone who thinks home schooling is done lightly…

Know that it takes a huge commitment… I give up any free time I would have, had my kids attended a public school… Its hard. But so worth it.

It really is a privileged to be the one teaching my boys…
With them day after day… as much as I miss some of my freedom… I cant imagine it any other way.

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I yell

Written on 10/31/2011 by Dreawood in COR, scripture, struggles

I had some alone time today… rare it seems some weeks.
I write this with 2 little ones in the room watching an quick TV show… which btw, is very distracting :) – try writing with any sort of kid cartoon on. You never realize how many strange noises come from one cartoon, until you try to sit down and write :)

Owen is resting, so Im just using this time to sit… reflect… and relax. Kid cartoon and all :)

I read this today during some of my alone time and it stood out…

“I yell at my children, fester with bitterness, forget doctor appointments, lose library books, live selfishly, skip prayer, complain, go to bed too late, neglect cleaning the toilets. I live tired. Afraid. Anxious. Weary…. Would I ever be enough, find enough, do enough?…. It’s the inbetweens that drive us mad.”

“How does one live ready, always ready? Yes, ultimately, only Jesus. Yes, this premature dying to self, birthing into the cross-life, the grace cocoon before emerging into the life unending. Without this Jesus, no, no one can be ready.”

This was taken from a book called “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp. It is a book I’ve had for some time now… but sadly have not completed. I will be the 1st to admit, I struggle with finding time to read books.. It in all honesty makes me sleepy! I think because as a mom of 3 little ones, I am often times doing 3-4 things at once… so when I just sit… my body must think “oooo its time to sleep!” – since when time does come to rest, it is usually at night, when I lay down to sleep. Oddly enough at night, I find myself wide awake with a million things running through my head… funny how that works.

I really have to discipline myself to read more than a few lines…

Sunday our Pastor spoke on Strong Holds… and wow, just an incredible sermon.
I cant even begin to touch on what he said… and for some time now I have debated sharing what church we are at right now… but I am to the point now that I am tired of secrets… and really just want to share the awesome things the Lord is teaching us during this time here. So if you’d like to watch our Pastor’s sermon, you can on the church website. Look under “Oct 30th” – 9:30am service. Skip to Minute 32:00 if you would like to skip all the music, and get right into the sermon.

One of the things that kept coming to me during this sermon was something I struggle with…

and that is time… and priorities. Figuring out how to manage life as a mother, home schooling, cooking, cleaning, managing a professional photography business (that oddly enough has picked up a lot this month!, thankfully), being a wife… and really just having time inbetween to take care of myself physically… and spiritually. It all is something I find overwhelming at times and wonder “Do I really have time to just sit and pray?”

I have often felt I could justify my lack of prayer time, because of where I am in life right now. I could use my children as an excuse to not having enough time to sit and pray…. or read a chapter(s) in my bible. TO really meditate on Gods word. I have been one to say it is ok to replace that time with prayers at the kitchen sink… or prayers while folding laundry… and while I think those times are great fellowship… and the Lord loves to hear his children talk to him throughout the day… it isn’t the same as sitting down with His Word… alone…

I struggle with that!

Our Pastor mentioned this scripture in his sermon…

“Proverbs 28:13, “He who covers his sins will not prosper,
But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.”

and… the 1st thing I thought was “I should just blog this… ” – that way everyone knows my struggle. So that those in my life who are close to me, can call me and ask “soooo did you have time alone today?” – its so easy to call up a friend and talk about everything but the Lord.. Im guilty of that…

Where is my focus?

I have realized I spend way to much time messing with my blog.
Browsing Pinterest, eeeee so guilty!
On occasion checking out the latest on facebook, why? I mean really? Does it have to be checked 3 times a day? do I check my heart that often?

Don’t worry.. this time was set apart, after my time with the Lord.

While blogging is an income for our family…
and something I truly do enjoy…
It should not replace my time with the Lord, by blogging and what not.

Balance…

Priorities…

I really am starting to see where this is a stronghold of mine.

Here are some steps our Pastor gave to help with working through strongholds:

1. Convicted that the stronghold is sin and you cannot defeat it in your strength (flesh).

1 Thess 1:9, “how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God.”

(not from idols to God)

2. Confess to God and others.
Note: 1 John 1:9 and James 5:16

Isolation promotes bondage, but true spiritual community promotes freedom.

Proverbs 18:1-2
“A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire;
He rages against all wise judgment.
A fool has no delight in understanding,
But in expressing his own heart.”

3. Receive the gift of Godly sorrow (repentance).
Humbly invite the Lord to allow us to see our stronghold through His eyes, promoting the gift of
Godly sorrow that leads to a true repentance;
NOTE: II Cor 7:10.

4. Move from the fruit to the root.

Share with a trusted friend, allowing the roots of the pain to be exposed.

5. Receive God’s comfort.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of
mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able
to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are
comforted by God.”

6. Take your thoughts captive.

Examine your thoughts by holding them up to the truth of God’s Word. (II Cor 10:5).

7. Replace the lies with God’s truth.

Reject lies, receive truth, replace lies.

8. Cultivate a lifestyle of intimacy with God and with others in His family.

I realize that there are some seriously hard strongholds out there…. Mine seems so small when I compare it to what others may be struggling with… There are families whos husbands are addicted to pornography, hiding it from their wives… There are wives having affairs with men at the work place, online, or who knows where… justifying it as long as it doesnt go to far. These types of strongholds I cannot even imagine having to share with anyone… but scripture is so clear about making it known.. and while I DO NOT think you should blog that type of stuff… I think that is a type of situation that should only be shared with a trusted friend… of Pastor/counselor….

I guess the purpose of this blog post, that is becoming hard to write. With the crazy cartoon noises in the background.. my mind wandering… and my fear of writing something inappropriate or fears of people reading it wrong…

I think I just want to share my struggle.
It may not seem like much… but it is very real.
Add to those things self doubt, insecurities, and a bucket load of crap that weighs heavy on me, due to the lies of this world… and my flesh…

I know whatever the stronghold, we are all sinners… who need a Savior.
I in myself am not enough.

I will never defeat any of this without Christ.

I will end… with what I started…

- Ann Voskamp

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Flunky Cook

Written on 10/17/2011 by Dreawood in caleb, motherhood, Owen, struggles, Taite

Last week I cooked up this recipe.

It is off the Crock Pot Girls website and was a top choice of readers apparently. So I figured it be a winner in our house.

Sadly, it wasn’t.

While it wasn’t BAD… our kids wouldn’t touch it sadly :( – not even Owen.

I didn’t mind it, but the chunks of pine apple cooked in a slow cooker just had a strange texture IMO, and the red onion, which are typically a fav. of mine (esp in salad!), were just not appealing in this recipe. The carrots came out to sweet too. So yea, besides the great tasting chicken, rice and teriyaki sauce, I wont be cooking this again.

Sooooo, this is just to let those out there, who may be ladies who fail at a recipe, know they are not alone :)
In fact my neighbor (I’m ~~hoping~~ sure she doesn’t mind my revealing this) messed up a recipe this week too. And if I am super honest, I would confess that I messed up 2 3 this week. This one was HORRID… and these :( – failllll

It may of been something I did :)
Or it may be the recipe was just being a dud.
Possibly my own tastebuds? although on these it was more than just my picky pallet that turned these away.

I am at this point however that I wish I could find like 5 more great meal ideas to feed my family. I have some recipes we love… and my kids eat well, but it gets boring eating the same thing over and over… and like I told Travis the other day “Why bother…” – when he askd me “whats for dinner” – and I just sigh and say “pancakes?”, because if theres one thing my kids love to eat, its pancakes! :) Im sure I am not alone in this battle. We do encourage our kids to try the foods, and we are pretty strict at it… but it is just very unenjoyable for me to have the battle… night… after night… esp. on those nights I try and try.

So when I laid down in bed for a great sunday afternoon nap with Taite… I was watching QVC, something I NEVER DO – and saw a Cook’s Essentials 4 QT Pressure Cooker advertised… and boy did they do their job well. I wanted to order it in like 5 minutes :) – but refrained. I’m curious…

Do any of you ever use a pressure cooker like it?

How do you like it?

It looked amazing!!

This btw isnt a complaining post :) – Im just being honest with a struggle Ive had lately. Not a HUGE struggle. This isnt consuming me :) – but I think its something many moms deal with. So why not talk about it? :)

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