Category Archives: struggles

Marriage is so much more than “surviving” it

IMG_Family_Portrait_Atlanta_GA-1787Yesterday Travis and I celebrated our 12 year Anniversary. Although today is “technically” it :)

We don’t ever really do much for our anniversary… having kids right off the bat and moving so often, has made our ability to travel or do “really big” things a bit hard. In fact with our 10 year anniversary I had hopes of traveling some place but Reed was a newborn and he was freshly out of the Police Academy, so that just did not happen. It is what it is and either way, I am thankful for each year. Each one brings its joys and challenges but each one brings us closer.

Travis surprised me this year by taking off yesterday. I had no idea. He was suppose to be at work. I got up kind of early yesterday. Took a shower… got dressed… had some quiet time… then when I went downstairs Taite wanted help on the computer starting a game… so I sat down with him in the school room to do this. While I was in there helping him I heard dishes being put away… but I didn’t think much of it. I figured Caleb was being extra sweet and decided to start on chores early.

Well, after I got Taite’s game going, I went into the kitchen only to see Travis in there with Caleb :) and a stack of gifts and big vase of roses. He got me :) – which for him is hard to do haha.

He then had me open a letter he wrote and I thought it be fun to post it here, so I can remember it and look back on it, if by some chance I lose the copy he gave me. Im typically not one to tear up easily over things like this but this one got me. He admits its a bit silly but it was still so so sweet.

He was hesitant for me to post this :) – but told me I could if I wanted… for my own memory sake.
He doesn’t claim to be a poet at all. To me while this may seem kinda simple… it means more than any gift ever could.

Twelve Wonderful Years

A farm boy sent to the big city whoever would have known,

That while there God would bring the woman

Who would be his very own.



She was a student while a youth intern I came to be

Thrown together by God’s perfect plan

But unbeknowst to us for at least 9 months plus 3



She really stood out, so different from all the rest,

Artsy and quiet, with her sweet sixteen smile

I never would have known, that for me, she would be God’s very best.



I left that summer really quite ignorant of this person I would grow to love

But in the months that followed,

I began to see more deeply this beautiful person sent from heaven above.



Through the use of computers, messaging, and email

and technology known only to the modern age

We talked and shared extensively, learning that on many things, we were on the same page.



A whole year went by before I would see her… and then

Coming in with the choir, so elegant and stunning,

I was blown away by her beauty when I saw her for the very first time… again



Now eighteen and finally legal (hahaha…), no more must I wait

To Charlotte once more I came

To ask this sweet young lady on our very first date.



It started in the mountains on a road trip for the whole day

Amidst the beauty of God’s wonderful creation

We talked and giggled like nervous school children until night had come our way.



I would drive to Charlotte, to Raleigh she would come

So many miles we would put on our cars

Our parents thought we were nuts, but we didn’t care, we were having fun.



Until the day came in the summer of 2002

When for certain I knew

she was the one I had hoped and prayed would someday say “I do.”



A more gorgeous bride there never has been than my beauty all dressed in white

I will never forget that special day

When I received God’s precious gift with oh so much great delight.

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Four boys, eight moves, and many chuches later how greatly blessed I am today

Twelve wonderful years and counting

To still be with my darling dear, forever and always to stay.


It hasn’t always been easy, quiet challenging for both of us at times

But blessed, changed, and more tightly bound are we

Christ making the sweetest lemonade from all our lemons and limes.


And so to close this little poem with one verse more I write

A pale comparison I know it is

To return to you, which I daily receive, oh so much love, joy, warmth, and delight!


For my devoted and loving wife on our 12th Anniversary

Travis

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Before I end this post… while ending it on his poem would be perfect I think… I just wanted to end with a few words of encouragement to couples out there who may be in the midst of struggle.

Travis and I have never done things perfectly.

We went into marriage honestly a bit blind. We were young and “obsessed” :) with each other… I think often with young love, you get caught up in it and don’t think to far. You just know how you feel “at that moment” and you believe with all your heart that you will break the mold. You will be that couple who never has real issues. That couple who has perfect kids who you vow to never “talk negatively about” to your friends haha… you vow all these things that you truly cannot understand or predict, until you live it.

Travis and I got little to know marriage counseling.
I was 19, he was 25. We loved each other and that is all that matter at the moment.

Marriage is God ordained and amazing… but it cannot be amazing if you do not communicate… and to often in our marriage we didn’t communicate… and we built up walls towards each other.

I look back on it and these walls were built without us even really knowing it… and just years of years of not knowing how to communicate “well” with each other, really hindered our marriage.

So to all the newlyweds out there… or the soon to be married couples… or maybe even the person reading this who may be married and has been married for years but feels as if their marriage is at the breaking point.

Know that marriage is worth fighting for… but it takes two. If you are having problems in your marriage, never feel ashamed to seek counseling. When Travis and I moved to Georgia we went through a year 1/2 of professional counseling. Not only as individuals but as a couple! It was awkward… and hard… I remember at times thinking it was so pointless and so stupid… but it wasn’t. The Lord was able to use our counselor to really teach us about each other in a way we hadn’t really seen… because we were to busy proving our own points or making our own assumptions.

If you want my honest opinion. Every couple should seek counseling around year 7 of marriage, regardless if they feel they need it or not HAHA… cause it really did make that huge of a difference for us.

Would we have survived without it… probably.

… but marriage is so much more than “surviving” it.

So to my amazing husband of 12 years. I love you. I know without a doubt, I am a blessed woman.
Many women would love to have a man as thoughtful and caring as you are to me.
Just know that and stay humble :) hehe

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Not ideal way to ring in the new year

**short disclaimer: This is not a post to build pitty…. It is my processing of a day…. and a struggle. Being genuine as selfish as it can seem some times when written… knowing that I have so little to complain about. Revealing brokenness and struggle are a part of how I process and I have found blessing in knowing I’m not alone in it. I hope those reading get me and get this.

When you think of New Years Eve, you think of celebration. Fun with friends. A fun movie. A campfire. Maybe just some good ol’ cooking :) – and time together as a family.

My New Years Eve… well. It was spent hiding.

Yup.

In my room.

The day started like most days… Travis was off this particular day, so it was kind of like “our weekend” but obviously didn’t feel like a weekend since it was a wednesday. It still, is what we have right now and you make the best of it most weeks.

For weeks now I have been battling some real discontentment. I think we all battle this daily… even the best of us. For me it has been something I have had to speak truth to myself constantly, to get through it. Otherwise I end up in a major pit of depression and just can’t function.

One thing I learned while we were in the City of Refuge program – going through pretty intense counseling for over a year… as we processed the job loss at the church… the unemployment, the new job Travis got as a cop and then a not so expectant pregnancy that brought on bed rest and stress being high risk, is that we each have “CUPS” – emotional, mental, physical, spiritual… and sometimes those cups fill up so much that they tip….

and… well, my cup tipped yesterday.

I think it was a number of things.

Holiday Stresses over the last few weeks.

Prepping a home for two family visits, from both sides… while I ADORED seeing all of them and was so thankful for our time together, I wont lie, prepping a home with 4 little boys in it, is not always the easiest of task. Its worth it in the end but I think combined with everything else, it was just a little extra hard on me this time.

Things with Travis’ job are a bit stressful right now… for me at least (he doesn’t seem affected by it). All the stuff involving Cops right now really consume me. Its one reason I hate social media right now… each time I log on I see post after post about cops being shot at work… such and such cop dying, or random articles about how horrible cops are… I have found myself biting my tongue constantly about this subject… the flesh in me wants to lash out at many but I know it do nothing but consume me and stir up anger… so I press on… but I will say, I wish Travis could quit tomorrow. I do not like having a cop as a husband…. I love my husband but I hate his job.

I took on a lot of photo work from Oct-Dec…. I love my job and enjoy doing it… but it is SO HARD to balance business with motherhood. There are days I sit on the computer working – while my kids are downstairs playing and spending time with their daddy…. Or I come home from a session and my mind is completely consumed with all I have to do with the processing of that job… that it makes it hard to think about “family” when my mind is some where else. You almost don’t want to be at home because you have so much you need to get done and can’t, because there are constant interruptions.

struggles in motherhoodI miss the days of just being “mom.

I miss not having to work…. and being able to focus mainly on my home… being a wife and a mother.

I know many of you who read this work outside the home (or inside the home).

Some love working outside the home… I think Id like it more, if I didn’t have to bring the work home with me…. once I do a job outside the home, the job follows me home and has to be completed at home, inbetween motherhood… and its just very difficult for me.

I miss being able to go to worship with my family on Sunday mornings…. While we have found a great night time church…. there still is something about going Sunday morning that I greatly miss. I miss having a husband home on weekends…. I miss being involved in ministry… feeling as if we never get to serve because my husbands job schedule changes every 3 weeks… making it almost impossible to committee to anything.

I feel like the last 2 years of my life have been a total blob of change and I am just very weary.

I long so much for something else right now…

… and I am trying SO HARD to be patient….

Trying to be content….

I have so much to be thankful for.

Healthy children.

No real debt.

No health problems.

A beautiful home.

Two cars.

and yet, here I am. Sad about things.

So I spent my morning alone in my room. I spent my afternoon alone in my room…. and I spent the evening alone in my room. I told my husband I need to be alone and needed the kids to just leave me be… and even though I know there was nothing wrong with a mother needing a break, I still hated I needed that… and felt guilty for having to shut out people I love because I was battling these things.

I even yelled my frustrations out to my husband and my kids heard me (even tho I was not in the room with them…. little ears listen well…) and for that I am so sad… my oldest told my husband after the fact as he made his bed “I just want to make mommy happy” – I later found this out after the day had passed and it made my heart break. I hated that my brokenness was affecting my boys. Children can be so forgiving, despite how nasty we can be… such a reminder of what we really don’t deserve. I will apologize to them and if there is something I have learned is how important it is to be open with our children, even when that openness means showing them how imperfect a person mommy can be.

I know that my BLOW UP was because of TWO things…

One because my husband and I haven’t been communicating the best this month. Both our doing I believe…. but one thing I know is that if you do not communicate with your husband, chaos is soon to follow. Marriage without communication will almost always equal ruin. I know for me, I have just been so preoccupied with jobs…. house keepings and things weighing on me inside, that by the time Travis is home, I don’t want to talk. Id rather just be alone. Can you relate?

I’m thankful despite my blow up, Travis was compassionate.

… and I know without a doubt the real culprit is my walk.

This post really has no real point beside the obvious. Being transparent and sharing with the world my moments of struggle and failure. While I wish I was that person “right now” who would be able to speak lots of great wise words… I am not that person today. Sometimes it is just healing to be and share the struggle.

During my “alone time” yesterday though I did read a few things that really struck me.

One was a post by Ruth – a busy mom of 6 boys. Her blog is called Gracelaced... I follow her on instagram as well and enjoy her photos. Shes very inspiring and her post yesterday could not have come at a more perfect time. It was convicting and encouraging at the same time… yet I found myself also wanting to push it to the side and distract myself with a netflix show or nap.

This is a quote she had on her post that struck home.

“There are times when solitude is better than society, and silence is wiser than speech. We should be better Christians if we were more alone, waiting upon God, and gathering through meditation on His Word spiritual strength for labour in his service. We ought to muse upon the things of God, because we thus get the real nutriment out of them. . . . Why is it that some Christians, although they hear many sermons, make but slow advances in the divine life? Because they neglect their closets, and do not thoughtfully meditate on God’s Word. They love the wheat, but they do not grind it; they would have the corn, but they will not go forth into the fields to gather it; the fruit hangs upon the tree, but they will not pluck it; the water flows at their feet, but they will not stoop to drink it. From such folly deliver us, O Lord. . . .

-Charles H. Spurgeon

I know I have been neglecting my closet (aka quiet time)…. There are times I don’t want to pray… I think this battle of discontentment I’m facing makes me feel as if my prayers are unheard some days… wondering why God continues to make me wait… and so forth. I then feel guilt for ever being so selfish. I’m thankful that even in our pit’s, God can love us.

I then downloaded some devotional APP on my tablet and read a short devotional that was titled “Yet I will Rejoice” (feel free to read it here).

The verse at the top of the devotional was from Habakkuk. (I always found that book of the bible to have such a funny name)

“Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior” (Habakkuk 3:17–18, NIV)

The devotional ended with this….

“Commit yourself in this new year 2015 to walk “above” your circumstances with joy in your heart enabled by the strength of your sovereign Lord and the promise of His ultimate victory. Put on joy and strength from the Lord and rise above whatever difficult circumstances have invaded your life. Then watch what God will do.”

and I just sat there praying I could.

My problems are little compared to so many.

I’m not that mom who just lost her kids in a car accident.

Or the husband who’s wife was killed and children by a plane crashing into their home.

I’m not that teenager who felt so hopeless he’d jump in front of a truck…

I don’t have a child sick in a hospital dying from cancer….

Or that family who has no idea how they will buy groceries next week.

I have all the reason to find joy.

… and yet I have been dwelling in my discontent spirit for weeks… and I know that my dwelling was wrong.

Thing’s aren’t how I’d want them right now….

… but I am truly praying for joy… and for strength in the difficult circumstance. While not difficult in so many ways, in many, very difficult for me personally… as I process in this time of waiting and uncertainty.

I know God is above it…. and even though I may not see the reason for it, I have to trust He has me…. and my family.

… and that in His perfect time it will work out.

I know this.

… and I write it to speak truth into myself.

So to the New Years Eve, where I should have been celebrating… enjoy fellowship…. and being a fun mom…. and sweet wife. May the New Year bring joy through the trial… and that 2015 would bring something new… that I would be able to walk above my circumstance… and find strength in the sovereignty of Christ.

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Happy New Year Everyone.

Dwelled Friendship

ED9A7250Many months ago. I would say around 8 months ago…. Travis was put onto a new shift at his work. Prior to the switch in hours, he would work from around 1pm-midnight every 5 days and then off two days. The huge difference in his schedule vs. other normal jobs, was not only the hours but also the off days. His job switched off days every 3 weeks…. and then rotated days. He rarely had weekends off…. and having him away at night for me, was very difficult.

You all who have read my blog know that :)

He thankfully got put onto day watch… which means he is at work from like 6am-4pm most days….This was huge for me and helped me A LOT… I felt a lot less secluded from the “norm” of routine as a home schooling mom… I felt the hours he was given helped me to function better and relate more with those around me… since he was gone when all the other peoples husbands were gone. I can’t even begin to tell you how ALONE I felt when he worked nights…

No one EVER wanted to do anything with me or my boys in the evenings… any time ladies planned “nights out” I couldn’t go, because I had no husband there to watch my kids… and Travis very rarely had weekends off or fridays off… so any time there was a church get together for couples in the evenings, I would have to go alone. It was not fun… I found myself very depressed over it.

Travis’ new schedule as amazing as it was for me over all, the one con was that he had to work Sunday Mornings now… He only gets Sunday Mornings off like every 6 mo… so for example this year he had part of sept/oct off on sundays, but wont have Sundays off again until almost summer!

The church we attend here… that you all know has been unreal amazing for our family. Who took us in when we had no place to go…. sadly does not have evening worship any more… I use to be a bit anti-Sunday night service when I was a Pastors wife. I never really appreciated that service until we were out of the ministry and placed into different situation. I now have a new perspective and am a huge supporter of churches that offer Evening worship still :) – while it may seem outdated to many, and pointless… it can and very much helps those families out who don’t have the normal schedule or routine as most. Also those with really young kids… I am sure can relate to not wanting to get up super early on a sunday… and would rather go in the evening. Amen? :)

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So when Travis started his Day Watch schedule… we began the search for a church in the area that offered evening worship. We tried A LOT. I think we tried at least 5 churches… Some were just not our style… others were really cool, up to date but seemed to lack in the area of depth in the sermons…. It was a struggle to find a church we felt a connection with and I know that a big part of that was because First Baptist is and forever will be a home to us… so having to look elsewhere to worship, when we love our church so much and Pastor Johnny, for both Travis and I was hard.

I am so thankful though that we kept looking… and God provided a small new church plant for us to discover. The church is called Sojourn. Their Pastor Trent is similar in age to Travis… and his wife Emily was very sweet. We enjoyed the worship and laid back style… and even better was the fact this church did not meet in the morning only at night. So their evening service was full… and they had a great children’s program set up… and snacks for the kids upon arrival. Was very homey and engaging. Our boys LOVE it. They always ask us now “Are we going to the small church?” :) – haha – which isnt an insult. Those who know what First Baptist looks like here, will get that. Any church compared to it, is small. :)

ED9A7272So we have been going there for a few months now. One sunday while there, the Pastor encouraged the ladies to attend a new bible study they would be starting for the women. His wife would be the one leading.

Initially when I saw the invite to this, my first thought was.

Why Bother.”

I knew our time here in this area was limited. I just felt it… and I just wondered if it was worth it. Why get involved with anything else? Why get to know new people in a close way, when I would have to leave again?

During this same time I really began to struggle in the area of friendship over all.

With all the job hour changes…

The inability to feel or be connected to many of the groups we were previous a part of… I really began to feel that sense of hopelessness in the area of strong friendship…

Satan really fed me a lot of lies during this struggle… at times Id just tell myself over and over, no one really cares about us, otherwise they’d come see us… Why am I always the one to make the plans….

Yet, as I looked at my cell phone I had 8 txt messages from a friend Candra…. or 2 missed calls from my best friends Shannon back in NC.

I dwelled in self pity a lot and I know that my dwelling there and growing in my insecurity and bitterness made me push people away.

I know too that my dread of another move… yet knowing we had to move, also caused me to not try… trying felt to hard. Even though we have not gotten a confirmation on the upcoming move, I felt little by little, that parts of me no longer were here. As if I was mentally preparing myself again, for another change… and a new life. Which can be exciting but if im honest, its hard too. Even though I know God is moving right now in this process….

For me though, with friendship. I often wondered. Would they care if I moved?

Many didn’t when we moved other times.

I would constantly replay over and over in my mind friendships in my past, that I poured so much into, yet after another move, that was it. An email here, a random facebook comment there… and that was about all that became of things. Could have been my doing. Could have been theres. Whatever the case, it wasn’t easy… and I truly mourned friendships that were broken for a long time… and still do at times.

So, when I saw that bible study invite and I didn’t want to go.

In fact I told my friend Shannon about it…. and she encouraged me to go and said “Had you not gone to the home school field trip many years ago, we would have never met.” A field trip group which btw, I never attended again after that one trip. I went to that single field trip and met the most amazing friend and to this day we talk daily. Id consider her a sister we are that close. Id adopt her kids if something ever happened to her. That close.

I would think back on the time I put myself out there as a photographer in NC… and went to a “photographers christmas party” where I knew NO ONE… and ended up meeting so many amazing photographers, some of whom I grew closer with than others… and one in particular that is still very much a part of my life today… that friendship would have never been, had I not stepped out and put forth a little effort….

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God I firmly believe uses friendships in a way to refine us… and while some friendships may be short…

Some may be deeper than others.

Some may be hurtful and cause bitterness at times….

I have learned over these last few months that its worth putting forth effort…. and while I am far from perfect in that effort… and I do find that I can only pour so much if it is not poured back…

ED9A7291I am thankful despite my doubts… hesitation. My negative dwelling.

That I went.

God was able to use that small bible study group to teach me a lot… and while I may not be best friends with these ladies… I am very thankful to have met many of them and gotten to know them. They were each able to touch me in a way and for that I am thankful.

It was a great reminder to me, to always be genuine… to be transparent…. and to be open for God to do a work.

So to the ladies at Sojourn. Thanks for letting me get to know you :)

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To the many others I have become friends with over the years…. and for whatever reason we don’t talk. If you happen to read my blog. Know I love you. I have very few friends to this date that I dont still love dearly, even if we haven’t spoken in years.

Thankful for the ladies of City of Refuge… ladies who taught me how to open up more… That group too was used in a way I needed so much. God used a bunch of broken, curse word flying, jacked up Pastors wives (I included lol), to minister to me in a way that I cannot even fully express.

God is amazing… and Good… and there is just so much to be thankful to Him for… I could write page after page about things I feel so blessed to have, all because of a loving Lord who cares for me.

They will remember mom.

Thought Id type up a really fast post this morning inbetween the boys unloading the dish washer, getting dressed, teeth brushed and all the other small things that hopefully put them into a semi presentable manner haha… although more than likely their shirts are inside out and they are sporting a commando style below (why can’t they just wear underwear without being told?). Caleb never, the other dudes, absolutely haha. Funny how once they hit like age 9 they become aware of things better. Caleb now at 10 is very put together IMO. He does well to present himself for the most part :) – he has even learned how to wash his hair in the tub quickly if he has major bed head going on. I taught him well… Yes, admittedly I maybe only shower 3 times a week?? if that… so in-between days I will just toss my head into my tub (that sounded weird) and wash my hair so it looks halfway normal. Then again many days I just pin it all back and put my hair in a pony. Showering daily for me just isn’t on a high priority right now. Some days I don’t even leave the house.

That brings me to, today’ subject.

Being gross. I mean, being a mom. Who may just some times ever so slightly seem a bit or may actually be a bit gross in appearance haha… but gross in who’s eyes?

Tuesday this week I sat in our school room, prepping a science lesson… and as I sat there I caught a glimpse of myself. I seriously looked terrible. My bangs were pinned back but a few hairs got out and so I had pieces sticking straight up… (yes I took a pic, enjoy, its beautiful) I had fuzzy lil fly aways all around my forehead. The rest of my hair was so greasy the pony tail looked as if I had dipped it in some oil… and my face felt like I had rubbed it in some flour mixed with some sort of thin non sticky honey, yet almost sticky honey. Does that make any sense? It felt gross. You know, grimy? Not a pleasant feeling.

sleepyI sat there in that moment and began to think things such as…

…. man I am so sick of schooling my children.

…. I just wish I could shower right now and someone else could take the ropes.

…. I look so gross.

…. why can’t I look like her (as I looked at someone’s instagram photo, a mom of 1 looking amazing, with her full face of make up already on, hair done and skinny jeans on… I was in major envy mode at that moment).

…. why cant my kids just do it on their own.

…. really. just 1 shower… and robot children who don’t need me for a few days, that’s all I need right now.

I just sat there sulking in my weird hair sticking up, honey flour face… and wanted so badly to sulk… and for a few moments, I did… in fact I txted my friend Candra, with my sulking… and she sweetly listens and always makes me feel better in those moments.

After a few pouts… and pity thoughts…. I began to speak truth into myself, as scripture encourages us to…. “take every thought captive

I really still wanted a shower…. and later on the next day haha, I got that shower… but as I sat there I began to speak truth into myself to get me through my moment of weakness…

Schooling these sweet boys is hard some days, but man what a privilege!! I get to see my boys grow up every moment of every day. I don’t have to let them leave for many hours, 5 days a week, year after year. I am the one who teaches them… I am the one who gets to see them have those “ah-hah” moments… and I am the one who gets to push them through those walls when they just don’t get it and cry.

Some moms sitting at work would dream of that… some maybe not haha, I realize its not for everyone ;-) – trust me. I do know some tho, esp. single mothers, who do not have the option to home school and they so wish they could.

I am blessed to be able to do it and on the bad days I need to just remind myself of that.

The mom I saw that morning on instagram, all beautified and put together… man shes stunning, but shes only got 1 kid right now. Shes in a different place.

This is my mom and II then began to think of my mom.

How many of you remember thinking your mom looked weird without make up? Or that she looked SO much better with it… How many of you remember if your mom wore her hair nice most days, or just tossed it in a pony tail?

I don’t.

I have no memory at all of my mom “put together” or “not put together.”

I just remember my mom.

Beautiful always.

When my boys grow up… they are going to remember the many many MANY mornings we sat working in our school room. They are going to remember all the fun crafts we did and all the silly games we played. They will remember being together… and growing up together….

They will remember their mom….

… and not her make up.

Or her skinny jeans.

Or her hair, done or undone.

They will remember me. Not what I put on me.

I’m thankful for those moments of struggle that ultimately teach and refine me. Man tues. was a rough day…. we had some news come through on monday that sort of put me in a funk for the beginning of the week…. and I know that really did set the tone for tues morning more than anything… but God has a plan and He is refining each of us through our struggle….

So to the moms out there sporting the bobby pinned bangs with some escaping.

To the mom with the crusty-ish face in dire need of exfoliation.

Or the mom who really cannot recall the last time she showered.

Press on and know those babies love you. Regardless… and will remember you, for you.

Lack-o-post :) – Limbo

Anyone else have a busy week? I sure did. Well weekend/first of the week/week.
I had a few photo jobs over the weekend – so inbetween all of what life brings to my plate with my boys and household/mommy stuff. I have felt immersed in photo work. I also took on more Boba photos for this fall… so I have spent many hours model scouting…. We had a TON of applicants!

So blogging. Alas, is last on the list. I miss it though when I don’t get to blog.

Here are a few post you can look at though if you are bored :)

Wednesday’s session with this beautiful couple, friends of mine.
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Saturday’s session with this cutie….

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Monday’s session… more dude cuteness. oh the chub.

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ED9A3207We also had a dinner party to go to on Saturday to say farewell to my friend above in the couple’s shot. I met her in 2012 and have so enjoyed getting to know her. Her husband just got a job in TX as a Senior Pastor. It is to a rather large church. This will be her first church to be a Pastors wife. I am excited for her and look forward to hearing about her journey. She better start a blog :) ::hint hint mel::

While at the party I snagged a new head shot of Travis :) – its been a while, figured it was time. He btw cannot wait til he can grow his beard back. I think its so silly that his job as a cop right now, makes it so he cant have facial hair. That to me is just a silly rule. As long as he kept it well groomed, why would it matter? Travis has the fastest growing facial hair ever. He can grow a full beard within 2 weeks. Its crazy! So you can imagine having to shave every day is a pain.

I feel like I should do an update post here soon on what is going on with us.

Is Travis applying for church jobs still?

Has anyone called?

When will we have to move?

Will we move?

Whats the plan? So many things to write about but so little of me to give right now. I know those who read my ramblings get that. I have been battling within a lot these days… with the state of limbo we live in currently. I am finding it hard to pour into friendships… out of dread of leaving… yet again… I am finding it hard to “be content” with the circumstance of life, knowing it very well may change again soon. I long for something constant… and find myself very heavy some days with the thought of uprooting my family again… but know that the Lord has called my husband to Pastor… and to not go, is not a choice I feel we can take. My prayer though… is for a place to put roots… and plant our lives for many many MANY years. Not 2… not 3… not even 4 years. I want a place for at least 10 :) – and I am praying and trusting the Lord with that part of our story… Will it happen? I like to think so… but time shall tell… and I know regardless, Christ has me. He will give me grace to deal with the moves… and the change… and throughout it continue to refine and grow me, as life goes.

Hope everyone has a safe and fun Halloween weekend. We will enjoy trick or treating around our lovely neighborhood… fellow-shipping with neighbors, having a camp fire… and spending time together.

Maybe by next week ill be caught up and can blog more :) g’night.