Thought Id type up a really fast post this morning inbetween the boys unloading the dish washer, getting dressed, teeth brushed and all the other small things that hopefully put them into a semi presentable manner haha… although more than likely their shirts are inside out and they are sporting a commando style below (why can’t they just wear underwear without being told?). Caleb never, the other dudes, absolutely haha. Funny how once they hit like age 9 they become aware of things better. Caleb now at 10 is very put together IMO. He does well to present himself for the most part :) – he has even learned how to wash his hair in the tub quickly if he has major bed head going on. I taught him well… Yes, admittedly I maybe only shower 3 times a week?? if that… so in-between days I will just toss my head into my tub (that sounded weird) and wash my hair so it looks halfway normal. Then again many days I just pin it all back and put my hair in a pony. Showering daily for me just isn’t on a high priority right now. Some days I don’t even leave the house.
That brings me to, today’ subject.
Being gross. I mean, being a mom. Who may just some times ever so slightly seem a bit or may actually be a bit gross in appearance haha… but gross in who’s eyes?
Tuesday this week I sat in our school room, prepping a science lesson… and as I sat there I caught a glimpse of myself. I seriously looked terrible. My bangs were pinned back but a few hairs got out and so I had pieces sticking straight up… (yes I took a pic, enjoy, its beautiful) I had fuzzy lil fly aways all around my forehead. The rest of my hair was so greasy the pony tail looked as if I had dipped it in some oil… and my face felt like I had rubbed it in some flour mixed with some sort of thin non sticky honey, yet almost sticky honey. Does that make any sense? It felt gross. You know, grimy? Not a pleasant feeling.
…. man I am so sick of schooling my children.
…. I just wish I could shower right now and someone else could take the ropes.
…. I look so gross.
…. why can’t I look like her (as I looked at someone’s instagram photo, a mom of 1 looking amazing, with her full face of make up already on, hair done and skinny jeans on… I was in major envy mode at that moment).
…. why cant my kids just do it on their own.
…. really. just 1 shower… and robot children who don’t need me for a few days, that’s all I need right now.
I just sat there sulking in my weird hair sticking up, honey flour face… and wanted so badly to sulk… and for a few moments, I did… in fact I txted my friend Candra, with my sulking… and she sweetly listens and always makes me feel better in those moments.
After a few pouts… and pity thoughts…. I began to speak truth into myself, as scripture encourages us to…. “take every thought captive”
I really still wanted a shower…. and later on the next day haha, I got that shower… but as I sat there I began to speak truth into myself to get me through my moment of weakness…
Schooling these sweet boys is hard some days, but man what a privilege!! I get to see my boys grow up every moment of every day. I don’t have to let them leave for many hours, 5 days a week, year after year. I am the one who teaches them… I am the one who gets to see them have those “ah-hah” moments… and I am the one who gets to push them through those walls when they just don’t get it and cry.
Some moms sitting at work would dream of that… some maybe not haha, I realize its not for everyone ;-) – trust me. I do know some tho, esp. single mothers, who do not have the option to home school and they so wish they could.
I am blessed to be able to do it and on the bad days I need to just remind myself of that.
The mom I saw that morning on instagram, all beautified and put together… man shes stunning, but shes only got 1 kid right now. Shes in a different place.
How many of you remember thinking your mom looked weird without make up? Or that she looked SO much better with it… How many of you remember if your mom wore her hair nice most days, or just tossed it in a pony tail?
I have no memory at all of my mom “put together” or “not put together.”
I just remember my mom.
When my boys grow up… they are going to remember the many many MANY mornings we sat working in our school room. They are going to remember all the fun crafts we did and all the silly games we played. They will remember being together… and growing up together….
They will remember their mom….
… and not her make up.
Or her skinny jeans.
Or her hair, done or undone.
They will remember me. Not what I put on me.
I’m thankful for those moments of struggle that ultimately teach and refine me. Man tues. was a rough day…. we had some news come through on monday that sort of put me in a funk for the beginning of the week…. and I know that really did set the tone for tues morning more than anything… but God has a plan and He is refining each of us through our struggle….
So to the moms out there sporting the bobby pinned bangs with some escaping.
To the mom with the crusty-ish face in dire need of exfoliation.
Or the mom who really cannot recall the last time she showered.
Press on and know those babies love you. Regardless… and will remember you, for you.