Drea Wood

Category Archives: struggles

Strike

Written on 05/16/2012 by Dreawood in home school, struggles

Well, day 1 and 2 went great.
Day 3…. big strike out!

I have cried twice before noon! Maybe its hormones but I am just so frustrated with Taite’s unwillingness to pay attention and comprehend his phonics. & Future older Taite who may one day read his moms struggles… do know I love you, you are precious… and dear to me… your mother is just struggling today.

We haven’t pushed phonics much this year – since he was 4 back in Aug – it was something I didn’t feel we needed to rush, since I knew he’d “officially” start working on kindergarten stuff at age 5 – the following year. We however taught him his letters and sounds – and he knew all of it, perfectly.

However, recently I started him on blends, which is the 2nd step… and you would think I was trying to read him chemistry or something… I spent 15 min. going over the vowel sounds very easily… basic, he got them. He understood those sounds.

I then got out his abeka blend book.

With simple blends like…

Not hard right?

Well, he just could not grasp the concept of putting things together.

I seriously worked with him for a solid hour this morning – and while I know you shouldnt work THAT long with a 5 year old, I was so just shocked and baffled that he could not put two sounds together.

The kid is smart!

Math he gets.

… but something about Phonics, stops him.

At one point I looked at Caleb who looked astonished that his brother could not put “A and T” together to make the sound “AT” – after I explained it 10 times, as simple as you could…. and I looked at Caleb and asked him “am I explaining this wrong? does it make sense?” – thinking that maybe a younger person, who has learned this just a year before – would be able to give me some insight lol – I was looking for any validation that I was doing this right and explaining it well. He said “No that makes total sense, that is how I would of taught him.”

I wanted to literally pull my hair out and throw the books in the trash.

I understand teaching takes time.

You have to be calm… and collective.

I WAS.

Until after pouring my every effort into teaching, and he acted as if I never said a word.

Rubbing his face, fidgeting and just not paying attention.

I even had Caleb at one point take Owen to his room, shut the door and play quietly with him, so we would have total silence… in order for Taite to pay attention better.

Nothing I did mattered.

TOTAL FAIL.

Days like today it really does make me want to throw in the towel.

Ship him off to public school and let someone else work with him. I honestly felt as if I had 3 contractions during that time teaching him, because I was so worked up and tense by the end. Reminder, Im only 18 weeks! Contracting this early freaks me out in itself, esp with my experience last go around with Owen.

I try to remember that Taite turned 5 – 6 months ago. Caleb was 6 before he started kindergarten and he also was 6 1/2 before blends really became a grasped concept. Now at 7 1/2 he reads beautifully. He could probably read this entire post if I let him, he has grown that much in his ability to read, in just a years time. I just figured Taite was ready – but maybe not.

All this being said.

This is me, real and today.

I am not perfect.

I struggle.

I want to toss in the towel.

I wonder if its really worth it.

Will it ultimately matter if he is home schooled?

Can I do this once a new baby is in the mix?

It even brings up emotions of anger when I think about so many people who criticize those who home school. Thinking they don’t do much, thinking they don’t work as hard as “real” teachers… and whatever else they attach to the home school mom labels. IT IS THE HARDEST THING for me right now. Entertaining 3 boys, feeding them meals, cleaning a house. That is work, but it is something that I can do without really pushing. It comes naturally. Schooling – NOT NATURAL lol – at least not for me.

Yet I have such a strong desire to do it for my children.

I just don’t know what we will do.

I have our curriculum laid out for this coming year. It all looks great -makes total sense…. but can I handle it? Is it the best choice?

I hate decisions.

Today’s school day is over.
Caleb will do the rest of his seat work and reading with me once the other two are in bed and I have a chance to clear my head…. I am locked away in my room while they play legos and destroy theirs…. hoping I can muster up some sanity in my thinking – before going downstairs to cook lunch.

This isn’t a pitty post either.

Its just real.life.as.a.home.schooling.mother…. who at times questions herself.

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Perfect Plan

Written on 04/22/2012 by Dreawood in family, ministry, struggles, travis

Can I tell you right off, that God has such a perfect plan for His children.
Even during those times none of it makes sense.

Let me see if I can break this down in the shortest possible way, without confusing myself or anyone else. Although I really doubt this will be short :) – but if you want to know the whole story, read along.

1) June 2011 my husband was asked to resign as Pastor at a church we had served faithfully for almost 4 years. When this happened we had NO CLUE what we would do. Our 1st thought was “we’d have to go move in with my parents again…” – but we knew that be so hard on them, esp since our family had grown. So we searched for other options. It was a very hard and crushing time. We were heart broken things were ending the way they were – and felt such sadness over the situation.

2) During the next month 1/2 we were so unsure where God would take us… or what to do. We bought as much time as we could and even though the odds were against us, we got into a program that takes in hurting Pastors and their families… In this program they love on you, provide a home and time to get back on their feet… 100′s of Pastors apply for it each year, in fact I think that year 300 had applied… and yet only a handful get in, when we got in there were only 8 families? maybe 9. Travis knew about the program from following their Pastor for years. He respected him greatly.

3) August 2011 – 2 months after my husband was asked to resign.. he did finally go through with the request… despite the fact he did nothing biblically wrong. We knew us being there with the leadership against us, would do no good. So we left… and felt totally confident the Lord wanted us to go into this program in GA – and step out of ministry for some time. All that being said, we now know what seemed so wrong… and so hurtful and bad.. the Lord meant for good. We would of never “chosen” to go through things that way… but God saw the bigger picture.

4) Mid Aug 2011 – we moved to GA and began our journey in COR.

5) From Aug – Oct – Travis had a severance package with the former church, that held us over financially. Even though the program we were in was there for us – being able to pay your own bills is helpful, and we were glad we were able too. After his severance ran out… we were so unsure what we would do in order to contribute financially. Travis had applied for countless jobs at that point… none of them had come through. Jobs such as UPS, FedEx, that sorta thing… nothing permanent… just a job to provide some income during this season. While you are in this program they ask that you don’t seek another ministry position until you graduate the program. However, with Travis having 3 degrees, ALL of them in “ministry type areas” – finding a “normal” job, was easier said than done…

6) 1 month after his Severance ended – Nov 2011 – I was offered a job with BOBA photographing their line. I had tried promoting my photography business around town but it was difficult. Even though Im a professional now and not new… no one knew us. So it was hard to get the word out. I tried everything, from sending letters to local businesses, advertising on peoples facebooks, and so on. I got some jobs but not enough to support our family. Being able to work for Boba was the perfect solution. I am so thankful for them!

7) I also began to earn a good amount of money through sponsored post on my blog…. enough to cover our groceries and some each month! Such a blessing.

8) Jan. 2012 – Even though Travis had not worked since Aug 2011, except for doing some occasional painting for a local business man, we were in the best financial shape we had ever been. Almost totally debt free… none of it made sense :) – but it was just really cool to see.

Now….

9) In Feb. 2012 – I found out something interesting. During the time we are here, we have to go through some pretty intense counseling and group time with others in the program… things surfaced that we had never dealt with in our marriage and lives… that we really needed to… but because we were serving in full time ministry, the focus on these things was never a priority… we always poured ourselves into others, and so often put ourselves and our marriage on a back burner. Not healthy btw. We were, in the words of a guy here :) – “surviving” – which is so sad if you think about it… but so common for those serving in ministry…

Throughout the process, things have been very emotional… and the thought of expanding our family was last on our list. It just did not seem like the right time…

10) God obviously had other plans. Early Feb 2012 - I began to sense I was expecting and decided to take a test… sure enough it was positive… I decided to wait a few weeks to tell Travis… due to the situation we were in during that month being a bit tense and emotional… even telling him seemed “not right” at that moment. I held off until Feb 14th, Valentines Day… and finally told him that morning.

11) His 1st words “How is that possible?” – Well I can think of a way haha, but really… it was a shock. The month that this would have happened, was during one of the most emotional months we’ve had here… and for it to happen with us not even trying – is such evidence this is what the Lord wanted.

We however decided at that time, to keep it a secret from the world…

I wanted to share the news… but I was so uneasy about sharing it – with everyone knowing Travis was unemployed… our situation was far from ideal.

12) At around 9 weeks – we began to share it with those in the program we are in… I felt I could not share honestly with the group hiding it… and they all thankfully embraced the news :) – but even from then on, we were keeping it under wraps… from family even.

13) At 10 weeks I finally went to the Dr. I had to wait for medicaid to kick in… it after all was our only option, as we could not afford health care, AT ALL… It took 6 weeks for the medicaid to clear! despite them telling us it only take 10 days :) – good thing this was baby #4… and not #1… I think had it been our 1st I would of been slightly nervous waiting so long. I went in though and baby looked great… heart rate was strong – and baby measured perfectly. My vitals were good too. Here is baby’s 1st picture :)

14) Now lets rewind a bit. Back in Oct 2011 - Travis began filling out forms for a Law Enforcement Job. It was something he was always drawn too deep down… but because he felt God had called him to “full time ministry,” it was never an option. It was a long shot but he applied for a particular position regardless. Actually, this particular job was the second one he had applied for… with the first one, other candidates who had already been trained were picked instead. Being somewhat discouraged and disappointed, he decided to try just one more time. So, he filled out the application online and waited to hear something back. About 2 weeks later, he received a letter inviting him to come to do a physical agility test. This occurred in mid Nov. All through December he waited to hear something. Nothing… Not a word. Discouraged and disappointed again, he figured this was just not God’s will.

15) To our great surprise, Travis received a call in mid Jan, asking if he was available to come in for an interview… right before I found out I was pregnant. The interview went well, and they wanted to proceed to the next steps of the process, which meant extensive background checks, giving many references, getting a physical, psychological testing and evaluation, polygraph test… and so on. He did it all…

16) Yet here we were March 2012… and still had not heard back from the law enforcement agency. Each passing week we waited to hear if he got the job. Nothing.

17) As my pregnancy progressed I began to show – and so we began telling locals, as it was hard to hide. Just so you know, with 4th babies, your belly just pops right out… I look so much more pregnant now, than I ever did with my 1st three.

18) In April my dad told me he was wanting to come visit… it was his 60th birthday the end of April – and since they had not been since Nov… he figured it was a good time to drive down and see us. Him and my mom at this point did not know… I knew once they came, we’d have to tell… I was however fearful on how he’d take it, since Travis still… had no job.

19) April 17th, 2012 – My husband gets a call… they want him to come in for the final interview of the process for this job. The interview was scheduled for April 20th, 2012 – a day before my parents were due to visit.

20) April 20th, 2012 came… and my husband went to the interview… did in fact… get the job! He is no longer unemployed and will start his new job mid May…

Now ill stop with the counting :)

But can I just say. God has such a perfect plan.

When none of it made sense… when we were so unsure… questioning things… so confused… in a constant state of limbo… just waiting… for an answer. God knew.

He knew I would get pregnant when I did.

He knew it would come at a hard time…

He knew we’d be scared and unsure.

But He also had us right in His hands… and was so faithful.

He knew my anxious thoughts… I really believe because he knew I was nervous to tell my parents… due to the job situation – the fact they called 1 day before my parents visit, is as if God wrapped his arms around me and said “you can rest.”

We are so thankful for how God has provided for our family.

A year ago I would of never dreamed we’d be where we are today. So many things have changed.
We won’t be in full time ministry in the traditional sense for some time, if ever again…we just don’t know what God has in store, but wow what a mission field my husband will have! And that is exactly the way he sees it…God calling him to be what he has preached and encouraged so many church members to be for years… salt and light in a dark and dying world. We also believe, this has the potential to open so many possible doors… and while I am fearful in some ways of the danger his job will bring… I can’t help but have just an overwhelming peace, knowing God has a Perfect Plan. :)

& for those curious, how far along I am.

That will all be revealed soon ;-) may as well drag my feet a wee bit more right?

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Pah-Pain

Written on 03/09/2012 by Dreawood in Owen, struggles

Thank you all so much for all the great information and encouragement yesterday. It really was so refreshing to read… isn’t it funny how when we struggle… it helps to know we are not alone.

Travis, Caleb and Owen went out to a local park/track field yesterday afternoon… while Taite and I delivered dinner to a family. After Taite and I finished we went back to catch the tail end up the track stuff (got lots to tell on this, its a different track thing than I wrote about last week). We didn’t make it in time to watch but I did get to sit and let the boys play on the playground for a good while.

While there I just watched Owen… and saw how well he was taking direction from Taite. Taite btw has really stepped up in taking care of Owen. It use to be “only Caleb” – Taite was just “the one who could play” with him. Now Taite will actually lead Owen to the steps… take him to the slide…etc..etc. It is precious to watch.

It just helped comfort me knowing Owen could even take direction from someone as quick spoken as Taite :) – with his cute southern accent.

As I walked around at one moment to check on Owen who was scaling a “rock climbing wall” – that obviously was not meant for kids his age… I stood behind him, helped him down – and as I put him back on the ground an Airplane flew by. Owen stopped, pointing up and said “Pah Pain!” – and although he was missing a few proper letters ;-) – it was clearly understood to me :)

There was also a lady at the park with a cute 2 year old little girl… Owen followed her a bit :) – and Travis before I got there was asking about her daughters talking. She shared that she did not talk much at all… yet you could tell looking at her, she had a great deal of understanding. Even her small conversation with Travis was comforting.

It was almost as if the Lord was just trying to settle my heart last night.

With small things like that… with the great feedback from you all yesterday…

Travis and I both agree Owen is talking less than Taite did. Thats really obvious :) – Taite however has been the type of kids to do everything fast. From sleeping in a big boy bed at 16 months… to riding a two wheel bike years before Caleb.

Each kid is so different.

Despite them coming from the same gene pool :)

This is something we will keep an eye on… Travis thinks he is still a bit young to push into speech evaluations… but it is something we may look into if by age 3 he isn’t improving. For now… we will encourage more talking from him, like some of you all mentioned. Sounding things out more. Working on letters. If you watched the videos from yesterdays post, you would of seen at age 2, Taite could say all his letters. I remember working with him on those a lot… mainly because I was working on them with Caleb at that time as well.

I suppose with Owen, he is missing the “older” brother – who is 4, learning ABCS ;-) – and we are so busy with everything else, I didn’t even think to teach Owen those things so young. Weird how even after the 2nd and 3rd kid, things slip our minds… and you really do forget. It is kind of like waiting a few years to have another baby… and then once baby comes, you really do forget stuff… yet in time, it comes to you :)

Again, thank you :)

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Owen’s communication

Written on 03/08/2012 by Dreawood in caleb, Owen, struggles, Taite

I know Ive blogged about this before… but its weighing on me today – after Owen melting down again over who knows what. He just wont talk hardly any.

I was sitting in bed just wondering “maybe something is wrong…” – “maybe that dr. was right when she said he needed to see someone in regards to speech.” – maybe this… or that.

I got out of bed and thought I would look up some old videos of Caleb… because I knew he was a late talker as well… and even though he picked up sign really good and was able to use that – he didn’t talk good until like age 3. So I thought.

I found this video of Caleb talking a little bit at age 2. It sounds so much like Owen and his mannerism as well!

I then looked up a video of Taite at the same age..

There is a significant difference…

Make a video – it’s fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

I hate I am comparing kids. I’m not trying to. I just worry I suppose… I don’t want my children to ever be behind… and I feel as if maybe I havent invested as much time with Owen’s vocab as I did the others.

Then again I invested all my time with Caleb and he still talked late. I use to blame that on the fact he was the 1st born. I figured Taite talked earlier because he had a brother who talked non-stop by that point… but here we are with Owen who has two talking brothers – yet he barely says any thing.

Here are the words that come to mind that he says.

Hot
Owe-side (outside)
I ant some (I want some)
Uh (yes) – same as Caleb at this age
No
Mama
Stop
Byper – Diaper
Pee
Gum
Bye
Hi
Choo Choo (for train)
Pee-vee (TV)
Bahpul (apple)
Andy (candy)
Shoes

and I really think that is about it.

He signs

More
Milk
& Please

Thats about it in the signing dept.

I will probably get a lash out from comments on this post. I don’t want that. Im just a mom who is concerned… and I know I am probably just over analyzing things… but its a struggle for me right now.

I use to think “maybe its the vaccines” – Maybe thats why Caleb talked so late, he after all got his vaccines. Taite got zero…

Owen though hasn’t had any either – so it can’t be that.

Maybe he just really takes after Caleb in this dept… and its totally normal – and there will be a day in a year or so that he will be just like Caleb and never stop talking :)

I just feel for him right now… because he really is so frustrated he cant communicate what he wants. He can’t even tell us he is hungry with his words… he will pull on the fridge door or point to fruit on the table… but he has never said eat, or hungry or anything like that to us.

Forgive my rambling.

Hurtful comments will be deleted. I am up for hearing from mothers with similar experiences… or any with advice. We have no health insurance… so taking him to any sort of specialist is out of the question… we just could not afford that.

Owen is so sweet.

He takes direction well.

Go get your shoes… shut the door…. get your blankie… go see Caleb… he understands things when we talk to him… its just the communicating back he just doesn’t grasp yet.

I’m just putting it out there. Throwing out the burden I feel – just fearful. I know my fear is not good. Living in fear never is. As a mother though, it is hard not to worry.

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I don’t know how

Written on 01/31/2012 by Dreawood in caleb, COR, Owen, struggles, Taite

Today has been one of those days.

You know… the kind that doesn’t start so great…

The one that comes after a night of toss & turns.

The kind where you feel you are being pulled in so many directions, you aren’t sure what to do… or how to keep things straight.

I’m there…

… and honestly I don’t know how single mothers do it…. because even though my husband is not working right now & I am… having to be away from my kids all the time, its difficult. While I do enjoy a break from time to time from the chaos of 3 active little boys… I also miss it.

I also find it hard to manage the menu in our household while working… I have no time to really sit down and plan, & the prepping it for when I am away, is even harder.

My skin crawls when I walk into a house that isnt totally put together – because Im not there enough to really keep it up and as hard as my husband tries, he isnt me… and I dont expect him to be me… or clean like me. Its not something he is use to or even really thinks about… Although he tries really hard, since he does know its important to me… its just hard to do something he has never been required to do, until now. Men work differently :) – and I am sure all the moms out there can relate to how they clean vs. how their husband cleans.

Its a challenge to let go of that.

I sat here for a few, as my kids were downstairs enjoying a cartoon with their daddy… acting silly… and I was upstairs alone in my room, at a desk… organizing up coming sessions… figuring out what I have already photographed and what else needed to be done by a certain time. I went through e-mails of deadlines I have for sponsored post… that I really feel the need to do, since it brings in a good amount of income… but also feel so uninspired and unsure how to put them together.. as of now. I have countless messages from friends I have yet to reply to…. yet know they are there. Do know, Im not ignoring you :) – I just honestly can’t find time to do it all…

I know.

I’m complaining.

Or maybe just getting it off my chest.

I know my heart is right in just wanting to slow down… but unsure how where we are.

I miss seeing faces like this more often than not. & feeling rushed…

My writing this is a way to really experience what I am feeling. It helps me to write. I also realize that my struggle may be another ones encouragement… knowing they aren’t alone in it. Relating.

I hope to slow down.

We got some big decisions coming up… that will impact how things continue to progress… I want to share more, but can’t. I do know that the Lord promises to give us the desires of our heart… and even though I adore photography, he knows I love being a mom… and miss it.

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